NOTIONAL INTERVIEW WITH THE TW GIRL
[Conducted by Bad Irving, on January 27, 2001, in Placebo, California.]

Bad Irving: I must say what an honor it is to be in your presence.

TW's Girl: Oh, really? Don't you mean to be in the presence of these? [lifts breasts up]

BI: Well, er, ah, could you do that again?

TWG: NO! Aren't you going to pay any attention to me? What color are my eyes?

BI: I am just assuming, but are they pink?

TWG: My EYES! EYES!

BI: Oh, eyes? Well, they are blurry in the pictures.

TWG: They're here now!

BI: Oh, well, by golly, you're right. Two big nice and round....

TWG: EYES!

BI: Of course, eyes. Two, big, nice and round hazel eyes.

TWG: Hazel?

BI: That's a nondescript color that will fool people into believing I actually looked.

TWG: They're BLUE, Damn it!

BI: Hey, you know their color, but my readers don't. I am sticking to hazel. Enough about these things you call "eyes," let's talk about...

TWG: Oh, let me guess: my tits?

BI: No, but as long as you have brought them up. Let's talk about your tits. Do they have names?

TWG: Names? Maybe breasts. They are called breasts you know.

BI: Sure, but you know, pet names, like Lefty and Righty.

TWG: Lefty and Righty?

BI: Yeah, the one on the left is Lefty and, wait would that be my left or your left? Hmm, let me stand behind you. [Stands and moves behind TWG] That's better, this would be Lefty and this would be Righty.

TWG: Take your hands off my boobs!

BI: So, you do have a pet name! They're called Boobs.

TWG: Sit down, over THERE, or else this interview is over.

BI: [Taking seat on far side of the room] Fine, it's just that the readers would want to know the pet name you had for your breasts. I now know your pet name for them is your Boobs.

TWG: I am really starting to get pissed off!

BI: Oh, what's wrong?

TWG: You! All you have done is stare at my boobs and grope me!

BI: Just what did you think wearing tight clothing with a bust line like yours would result in?

TWG: Staring. OK, I'll give you staring. Certainly not touching!

BI: Wait, haven't you been a tease for years now? Hasn't all this been a way of inciting men to want you? I mean you are not some busty girl walking down the street. You are TWG and have been flaunting yourself for some time now. You get alone in a room with a fellow that has a breast fetish and you're surprised that he makes an excuse to grope you?

TWG: Ahem...are you going to do an interview or what?

BI: Can I get anywhere with the "or what" option?

TWG: No.

BI: Ok, interview it will be. So, what is your name and what do you really do for a living?

TWG: Not going to believe it's really TWG? Well, my actual name gets to be embarrassing because of a coincidence. My first name is Janet.

BI: Janet is a nice name.

TWG: Wait, my last name is Reno. I didn't choose my names and now all I get are giggles and snide remarks when I get introduced. The sooner the new administration fills that attorney general post, the sooner I'll be happy.

BI: You're Janet Reno? No wonder your face is blurred!

TWG: Not THE Janet Reno, you putz! We have the same name. If you'd bother just once during this interview to look at my face you'd see that I am not that Janet Reno.

BI: Look, my readers don't want me to talk about your beautiful face, with its clear soft skin surrounded in a halo affect by your silky hair and your kissable lips.

TWG: They don't, but maybe I'd like to hear that!

BI: Then maybe you shouldn't have your face blurred? What do you do for a living?

TWG: (sigh) That gets into why my face is blurred. I am a nuclear physicist and I work for the JPL in Pasadena, California.

BI: You're a rocket scientist?

TWG: Yes, in the common vernacular, I am a rocket scientist. I can keep my figure in wraps in a lab coat, but my face is well known. It would debase me professionally if my face were in the pictures. Somehow a J cup and space exploration don't go together when I am with my peers.

BI: I don't know, a J cup makes me want to explore space.

TWG: Not THAT space! But that does lead into a related story. If you recall the Mars Probe screwup from two years ago....

BI: Yeah, that's where part of the computations were in inches and the other were in meters. It put a multi-million dollar probe into the dirt in Mars.

TWG: That's the one. Well, Ed, the lead on the Mars Probe team, had come into the gym behind me. Seems he's a big nut about boobs. Anyway, the gym is just for JPL staff and is very small. We share a locker area and take turns with it being male and female. (I mean the locker room alternates being male and female, not the staff.) I was in a rush and had some problems, which resulted in me leaving a bra hanging over the bench. I heard later that Ed found my bra. He seems to have gotten carried away by its size. This resulted in him going back to work thinking inches, when he should have been thinking meters. Then POW the probe hits the surface as a result.

BI: That means Ed caused the most expensive boob job in history!

TWG: Yeah, kind of an inside joke. The natural girl has the most expensive boobs ever. This also points out why I need my face blurred. I didn't make my chest this size and yet in some ways its size dictates how I live my life.

BI: Then why pose at all?

TWG: Of course TW goes crazy over it. I also don't do nude or even show much skin. But, there is something nice when you realize your body can drive guys nuts. (big smile) I am a scientist, but I never said I wasn't a woman too.

BI: You are very big. There are rumors that you are fake, that what we see is all padding. That a slim girl like you can't have exceptionally large breasts. How do you respond?

TWG: You felt them two minutes ago! How do YOU respond?

BI: Nice!...However, a grope on top of your shirt gave me hope, not proof. How about letting me gather some more firsthand knowledge for the readership?

TWG: [Slaps BI] Get back and sit down, you letch! You aren't touching me again, and I am not taking my shirt off! They are real. I really do have boobs. You wonder how big they really are? The answer is here before your eyes. Anything beyond that is for TW and TW alone. I wear a 32J bra, sometimes a K depending on who made it. You saw me walk in and I will guarantee you will see me walk out, clear out of YOUR life. So, they are as real as they need to be.

BI: Real as they need to be? Does that mean they're fake?

TWG: [rests head in palm of hand] Look. I mean, geeze, haven't you looked enough? What do you think?

BI: It's not about what I think. It's about what my readers want to know.

TWG: Ah, then what you think isn't relevant and what I do here isn't relevant either. Unless I were to visit your readers personally they will just have to go with what they think, won't they?

BI: Will you begin your personal tour any time soon? Can I be first?

TWG: You know, you haven't paid attention to anything I have said, have you?

BI: Sure I have!

TWG: OK then: what's my name?

BI: Lefty...er...ah...I mean Righty!

[TWG storms out of the room.]

BI: Yes...hmm, nice view of her from behind, too....

Thank you, TWG.

:-P -- Bad Irving