SOLITRON doesn't live here anymore. SoliTron also doesn't live here any less. It's hard to tell either way, since SoliTron hasn't said much of anything in the time he's been here.

"Charlies in the wire! Charlies in the wire!" I hear the cry. I look for the claymore or fougass clackers, but no time... "Charlies in the wire!" I unsling my M-16, charge it and feel the selector with my right thumb as I flick it to automatic.. "Charlies in the wire!" I raise the rifle with careful aim, and then Johnny hits me. "Man can't you see Charlie is stuck in the wire, now go cut him out!" Damn Vietnam flashbacks! What I hate most about them is never having been in Vietnam to begin with. Well, this here is Bosnia, and will just have to do. So, what do I do? What in the world does BAD IRVING do? Several of my employers over the years have asked that very question, which explains why I have had several employers over the years. Right now, what I do is field work for BEhavior. I bet you didn't know we had a field reporter. Guess again, that's me. I'll always remember the day gonZo (our illustrious editor) tells me, "Bad, we here on the staff would really appreciate it if you would leave the country." Wow, an international beat! I said, "So, where to, chief?" At which point gonZo laughed, "Good Rid-- I mean, welcome to the team. Why don't you start off by verifying our reports that landmines spur breast development? Some detailed field work would be of interest. Oh, and here's some ear plugs.". With that, the rest is history. :-P

ST STEPHAN has some bad news, and some other bad news which has turned into good news. The bad news is that his progress towards true sainthood is gravely imperiled by numerous local and interweb distractions. The other bad news is that his penchant for huge breasts and his intercourse with the Breast Expansion Archive was recently discovered when a brother came upon the Archbishop, uh, enjoying - flagrante delicto - Stephan's copious collection. Well, since it was the Archbishop himself, the upshot is that Stephan has been named missionary to big-breast lovers everywhere, with residence at the BEA. And like any good missionary, he must be fluent in the language of his flock, viz. big boobs, as a means of bringing you to the Bosom of the Church (see?). So, gratia Deo, expect more memorable mammary material from His Holiness, but rather more directed towards the True Faith than of late (cf. the Thanksgiving and Christmas/St Stephen's Day contributions). And rest assured that St Stephan intends to derive complete fulfillment from his missionary position.

ARC TANGENT is the pseudonym of a regular BEArchive visitor who regularly contributes irregular material to Behavior.

GONZO is the inventor of the Mistletoe Bra.