A Happy St Stephen's Day to ye all, brethren!

As we approach the last year of the millennium (the second coming of the millennium, if you will, though the Christian millennium, in any event, began with the year 1 AD), it is my fervent hope that you are searching within yourselves and thinking of ways to enhance your souls (and not just your bodies, or depicted bodies of others, laudable as that practice may be). Now that the hustle and bustle of Christmas is over, I have put together a little quiz which may help you back to the path of righteousness, without forsaking what all of us hold so dear: indeed, it is based on the identification of models we all know and love.

The quiz has the object of promoting knowledge of the Bible. The basic idea is simple: I have prepared seven pictures that allude to biblical stories, and your task is to solve the riddles and identify the stories. Do not be intimidated if you are not a biblical scholar: these are stories familiar to all of us from childhood and literature in general, stories which you know even if you have not been an avid Christian (indeed, even if you are Jewish or Muslim: most of the seven are common to all religions of the Book, and only two of them are taken from the New Testament).

Look at each picture and work out which biblical story it refers to. Scenes 1, 2, and 3 are fairly straightforward, but the last four incorporate an element of word play (aka dreadful puns) so you'll have to experiment with alternative ways of expressing the objects or actions portrayed. To simplify the matter somewhat, I have slipped additional clues into some images; also, in several scenes (as indicated) the model's name begins with the same letter as that of the associated biblical character (male or female).

A note for our foreign participants whose mother tongue is not English: the pun factor will be especially difficult for you, but I hope you will try anyway. To facilitate your task slightly, I will accept entries, i.e. biblical names and references, in any of the major European languages spoken in countries where the True Faith holds sway. But I reiterate that, since the last four riddles are based on English word play, you will have to analyze them in English.

There will be prizes and certificates. Thanks to the generosity of the Owner of the Breast Expansion Archive, the first prize will be one month (February) of free membership at the BEA. Second and third prizes will be a portfolio of graven images from my extensive archives, now augmented by a hitherto hidden collection of the Vatican Library which I recently discovered by pure serendipity (I needed a drink, and it was filed under the code "VAT69"). In addition, a handsome certificate of Master of B.S. (Biblical Studies) will be presented to each participant receiving a pass mark (65%).

The scoring is a bit complicated, but in order to earn the certificate a correct identification of six of the biblical scenes (plus all seven models) will suffice. You'll have to work harder to get one of the prizes, however, since the total scoring works like this:

• 1 point for each correctly identified model (only the busty model is necessary: if you can't tell which one is busty, don't attempt this contest);
• 2 points for describing the actions or objects which allude to each biblical story;
• 1 point for the book and chapter (but not the verse) where the story is related;

So, as said: 19 points will give you a pass mark of 65%, but to score for a prize, you'll have to get down that Bible (it's that big book with black leatherette covers), blow the dust off, and dig a little. To be honest with you, a good encyclopedia or dictionary (like Webster's New World) will give you most of the references, if you've got the names right. It's a challenge, sure, and entails some research, but I hope it will be entertaining too. When you've got your answers, write me st_stephan@usa.net: remember to specify (1) the model's name; (2) the reference to the biblical story; and, if possible: (3) book and chapter; and, at the end of your letter, (4) the location and nature of Nahpets' mark.

OK: ready to try it? I suggest you open the email window now by clicking here; so you can make notes as you peruse the scenes (when you're finished, just "Send" it off -- of course, if you don't finish in one sitting, you can always save it as a draft).

One last point: any Forum comments will be appreciated (paeans of praise by me or flames of Hell by Nahpets) - but this is a contest, so please, do not reveal any answers or give any hints in any public place such as the Forum. Also, do not lead others into temptation by asking for help. If you are stumped, drop me a line s_stephan@hotmail.com, and I'll post a public reply if I think your request warrants it. But if you follow the instructions above, and the image-specific ones posted with each picture, and think a bit, you should be able to do it. Good luck!

Scene the first

• Name the busty model;
• Describe the action and identify the biblical characters (one male, one female: the female has the same initial as the model);
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Scene the second

• Name the busty model;
• Describe the action only, don't name the biblical character (watch that sacrilege!);
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Scene the third

• Name the busty model;
• Identify the biblical character (male, same initial as the model's last name) and describe the scene as it relates to the analogous biblical story;
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Scene the fourth

• Identify the busty model;
• Describe the action as it relates to the analogous biblical story (pun alert!); no biblical characters to identify;
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Scene the fifth

• Name the busty model;
• Identify the biblical character (male, same initial as the model) and describe the action as it relates to the analogous biblical story (pun alert!);
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Scene the sixth

• Name the busty model;
• Describe the scene as it relates to the analogous biblical story (pun alert!); no biblical characters to identify;
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Scene the seventh

• Name the busty model;
• Identify the female biblical character (same initial as the model) and describe the action (the action going on in this image - pun alert!) as it relates to the analogous biblical story;
• For extra credit, name the relevant book and chapter of the Bible

Right! Have you figured out all the references (or most of them, at any rate)? Then send your entry to st_stephan@usa.net, with the following information:

Your name (the name you want on the winners' list and certificate, Deo volente).

Numbered from 1 to 7, the requested information (or as much as you have) for each image, viz.

• the name of the busty model;
• the requested reference(s) to the analogous biblical story (in your own words and language, as stated in the introduction);
• for extra credit, the book and chapter of the Bible where that story is related (in English or your own language, as stated in the introduction);
• the location and description of Nahpets' sign, hidden somewhere in one of the images.

Send your entry to me st_stephan@usa.net by 15 January 2001. If you have any questions, drop me a line as stated in the introduction at s_stephan@hotmail.com Good luck!