LETTERS TO SANTA
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| Dec 8 | ||
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Dear Santa: Please bring me big boobs for Christmas. Your pal,
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| Dec 10 | ||
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Dear Bad: Santa is a little confused. What are you asking for? This seems a strange request. Ho, ho,
ho,
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| Dec 12 | ||
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Dear Santa: Well, of course I meant for them to be attached to a beautiful woman who's got the hots for me! Sorry for the confusion. Your pal,
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| Dec 14 | ||
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Dear Bad: I am getting very confused. Are you sure you are writing the right person? This is an odd request. Not only that, but I can't find you on any of my lists. Have you been good? Wouldn't a sled be just as much fun? Ho, ho,
ho,
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| Dec 16 | ||
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Dear Santa: I have been very good; please pay no attention to my first name. I'm sure that if you do some research, you'll find me on your "Good List". It doesn't snow much here, and a beautiful, buxom babe would be a lot more practical than a sled. Have a heart, Santa! Your pal,
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| Dec 18 | ||
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Dear Mr. Irving: INDEED we did find you on the good list. The good list from 1954!! You are well beyond any statute of limitations, and your request is a base violation of the morality clause of my Yuletide Contract. It's "Ho, ho, ho" in a happy sense, not in a pimp sense. Santa Claus
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| Dec 20 | ||
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Dear Santa: PLEEEEASSSSE! Look, I didn't get what I wanted in 1954, and it's been 46 years! I'm not holding a grudge! Actually, this shouldn't be too hard for you to deliver. You go all over the world, sneaking into people's houses in the middle of the night. I know that as you go through the houses, you check out the bedrooms. (We all know that you look in on the sleeping children. What's THAT all about? Heck, maybe that should be mentioned to the right people?) Anyway, while you're looking in, if you happen to spy a good-looking stacked babe in a teddy, just throw her in your bag and bring her to me. I can take it from there, once you drop her off. Heck, that should be easier than making toys all year! Haven't you ever heard of multi-tasking? Your pal,
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| Dec 22 | ||
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Dear Mr. Irving: On behalf of Santa Claus, we hereby notifiy you of a restraining order that has been issued against you. You will cease and desist further harassment of Mr. Claus or any of his enterprises. You are further notified of a pending suit of slander for suggesting that Mr. Claus's legitimate business inquiries on sleeping children constitute some form of pedophilia. Yet another suit will charge you with conspiracy for suggesting that he kidnap people. Respectfully,
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| Dec 23 | ||
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Listen up, fat boy: Hey! Call off your lawyer dogs! This is supposed to be between you and me! Besides, I can get my own lawyer. He even says he'll work pro-bono (something about a neglected Jewish childhood and it being pay-back time). Come on, Santa. You remember 1954? I didn't get the Schwinn bike, but somebody in red was sure eating my mommy's cookies that night. Your pal,
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| Dec 24 | ||
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Dear Bad: Ho, ho, ho! Of COURSE you'll get big boobs for Christmas! Ho, ho,
ho,
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| Dec 26 | ||
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Dear Santa: Very funny! When I asked for two boobs, you KNOW I didn't mean a politician and a news reporter! Wait till next year!! Your pal,
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| MODEL Little Red Miss |