ABOUT THE AUTHORS MISC BEHAVIOR
		Pornographic mass-quantities consumer advocate and Certified Lucky Bastard CHILI PALMER refuses to write a brief biography of himself until he has completed his tour of the on-call escort services in Los Angeles.   NICKLAUS really prefers "Nik", with a 'k' and no 'c', but will answer to pretty much anything, unlike his dumb dog. Nik's greatest contribution to mankind is The PinUps! He became a "breast man" when, as a horny teenager, he was rifling through old Indy 500 yearbooks and discovered the amazing proportions of one Miss Hurst Shifter, Linda Vaughn. Nik thought ecstatically that all girls grew up to look like this sun-kissed golden girl, but was later much distraught to find out otherwise. He has dedicated his life to the glorification of the most buxiferous, colossally-appointed members of the fairer sex, and to inventing new titillating words like "buxiferous".   SOLITRON doesn't live here anymore. SoliTron also doesn't live here any less. It's hard to tell either way, since SoliTron hasn't said much of anything in the time he's been here.   SAYONARA has been described as a recluse, a libertarian, and even as a misanthrope, perhaps for living too long in a cave, and is frequently asked how things are going, for which there can only be speculation and wonderment, till word comes down from the mountaintop. And until then Sayonara's two most favorite questions are likely to remain, "Why?" and, "How do you know?"   A Modern Male Mammal living in Los Angeles, PALOMINE is a devoted Breast Man, a staunch Libertarian, a committed Secular Humanist, a practicing Automotive Enthusiast and an active Proponent of Volunteerism. He also holds labels of all kinds in fervent disdain.   BAD IRVING, through a bizarre twist in a computer virus has become the newest female writer on the Staff of BEhavior. She provides insight into the post-male observance of the human mammary gland and its development. She is also looking forward to going back to being a male writer on the staff. Unfortunately the staff feels (hey, no touching, that's sexual harassment!) that she is better in this form. Now quit it, guys, and put down the damn cameras, geeze! :-P   FRANZ is the F of F&K, the hard-working Italian morpher couple Franz75 & Katia, and has always had a big mouth. Since he wore short pants, he has spent most of his time busting his schoolmates' balls with his ideas on such things as the Existence of the Supernatural, the Meaning of Life, Immortality, and Tits. Today, few things have changed (apart from his pants): having specialized in the study of formal logic, he started to morph, and he claims he won't stop until he has calculated the golden section of boobs. Feeling sure he'll never find it, Chili Palmer agreed to host his works. Franz lives on in the vain illusion that what he does is art, and that one day he'll have his own gallery in the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. His friends are too kind to tell him the truth.   PLATO VOLTAIRE, longtime writer of cop stories involving well-endowed female officers, is currently taking a working vacation on the planet Outback. He's doing research for an upcoming movie that will involve two of his most popular characters, Lynnae and June. Part of the research will involve participation in the Sea of Derby beach scene. Since bikini volleyball and wet t-shirt competitions are held on a regular basis on the Sea of Derby beaches, it will be quite some time before we'll hear from Plato again.   ST STEPHAN has some bad news, and some other bad news which has turned into good news. The bad news is that his progress towards true sainthood is gravely imperiled by numerous local and interweb distractions. The other bad news is that his penchant for huge breasts and his intercourse with the Breast Expansion Archive was recently discovered when a brother came upon the Archbishop, uh, enjoying - flagrante delicto - Stephan's copious collection. Well, since it was the Archbishop himself, the upshot is that Stephan has been named missionary to big-breast lovers everywhere, with residence at the BEA. And like any good missionary, he must be fluent in the language of his flock, viz. big boobs, as a means of bringing you to the Bosom of the Church (see?). So, gratia Deo, expect more memorable mammary material from His Holiness, but rather more directed towards the True Faith than of late (cf. the Thanksgiving and Christmas/St Stephen's Day contributions). And rest assured that St Stephan intends to derive complete fulfillment from his missionary position.   Judging by the rare but eloquent hints columnist MYCROFT produces on his whereabouts, he is either an experimental virtual personality created by a team of weird students of informatics at Bremen University, or a somewhat misshapen biological entity situated in roughly the same region of North Germany. What he calls his cryography is so complex that we favor the virtuality thesis, and refrain from publishing those 52 pages...   Illustrator TRAX emerged as a full-blown Krautmorpher about two years ago, and, 200 pictures later, switched to 3D rendering. Interrupted by sudden attacks of off-topic elephantiasis he illustrates MyCroft's column and seems to be the only person to meet the latter in the flesh. And vice versa. As MyCroft is most likely a virtual construct, traX must be a runaway subroutine of it. Nice job, though.   Sometimes, GONZO just stands back and lets it all happen. (Like this issue, for example.)
MODEL Christy Canyon ANIMORPH Solitron