ABOUT THE AUTHORS MISC BEHAVIOR
		Pornographic mass-quantities consumer advocate and Certified Lucky Bastard CHILI PALMER refuses to write a brief biography of himself until he has completed his tour of the on-call escort services in Los Angeles.   NICKLAUS really prefers "Nik", with a 'k' and no 'c', but will answer to pretty much anything, unlike his dumb dog. Nik's greatest contribution to mankind is The PinUps! He became a "breast man" when, as a horny teenager, he was rifling through old Indy 500 yearbooks and discovered the amazing proportions of one Miss Hurst Shifter, Linda Vaughn. Nik thought ecstatically that all girls grew up to look like this sun-kissed golden girl, but was later much distraught to find out otherwise. He has dedicated his life to the glorification of the most buxiferous, colossally-appointed members of the fairer sex, and to inventing new titillating words like "buxiferous".   SOLITRON doesn't live here anymore. SoliTron also doesn't live here any less. It's hard to tell either way, since SoliTron hasn't said much of anything in the time he's been here.   SAYONARA has been described as a recluse, a libertarian, and even as a misanthrope, perhaps for living too long in a cave, and is frequently asked how things are going, for which there can only be speculation and wonderment, till word comes down from the mountaintop. And until then Sayonara's two most favorite questions are likely to remain, "Why?" and, "How do you know?"   A Modern Male Mammal living in Los Angeles, PALOMINE is a devoted Breast Man, a staunch Libertarian, a committed Secular Humanist, a practicing Automotive Enthusiast and an active Proponent of Volunteerism. He also holds labels of all kinds in fervent disdain.   "Charlies in the wire! Charlies in the wire!" I hear the cry. I look for the claymore or fougass clackers, but no time... "Charlies in the wire!" I unsling my M-16, charge it and feel the selector with my right thumb as I flick it to automatic.. "Charlies in the wire!" I raise the rifle with careful aim, and then Johnny hits me. "Man can't you see Charlie is stuck in the wire, now go cut him out!" Damn Vietnam flashbacks! What I hate most about them is never having been in Vietnam to begin with. Well, this here is Bosnia, and will just have to do. So, what do I do? What in the world does BAD IRVING do? Several of my employers over the years have asked that very question, which explains why I have had several employers over the years. Right now, what I do is field work for BEhavior. I bet you didn't know we had a field reporter. Guess again, that's me. I'll always remember the day gonZo (our illustrious editor) tells me, "Bad, we here on the staff would really appreciate it if you would leave the country." Wow, an international beat! I said, "So, where to, chief?" At which point gonZo laughed, "Good Rid-- I mean, welcome to the team. Why don't you start off by verifying our reports that landmines spur breast development? Some detailed field work would be of interest. Oh, and here's some ear plugs.". With that, the rest is history. :-P   FRANZ is the F of F&K, the hard-working Italian morpher couple Franz75 & Katia, and has always had a big mouth. Since he wore short pants, he has spent most of his time busting his schoolmates' balls with his ideas on such things as the Existence of the Supernatural, the Meaning of Life, Immortality, and Tits. Today, few things have changed (apart from his pants): having specialized in the study of formal logic, he started to morph, and he claims he won't stop until he has calculated the golden section of boobs. Feeling sure he'll never find it, Chili Palmer agreed to host his works. Franz lives on in the vain illusion that what he does is art, and that one day he'll have his own gallery in the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. His friends are too kind to tell him the truth.   PLATO VOLTAIRE, longtime writer of cop stories involving well-endowed female officers, is currently taking a working vacation on the planet Outback. He's doing research for an upcoming movie that will involve two of his most popular characters, Lynnae and June. Part of the research will involve participation in the Sea of Derby beach scene. Since bikini volleyball and wet t-shirt competitions are held on a regular basis on the Sea of Derby beaches, it will be quite some time before we'll hear from Plato again.   ST STEPHAN has some bad news, and some other bad news which has turned into good news. The bad news is that his progress towards true sainthood is gravely imperiled by numerous local and interweb distractions. The other bad news is that his penchant for huge breasts and his intercourse with the Breast Expansion Archive was recently discovered when a brother came upon the Archbishop, uh, enjoying - flagrante delicto - Stephan's copious collection. Well, since it was the Archbishop himself, the upshot is that Stephan has been named missionary to big-breast lovers everywhere, with residence at the BEA. And like any good missionary, he must be fluent in the language of his flock, viz. big boobs, as a means of bringing you to the Bosom of the Church (see?). So, gratia Deo, expect more memorable mammary material from His Holiness, but rather more directed towards the True Faith than of late (cf. the Thanksgiving and Christmas/St Stephen's Day contributions). And rest assured that St Stephan intends to derive complete fulfillment from his missionary position.   Columnist MYCROFT (age 51) disappeared in 1993 after claiming to have discovered the unofficial porn collection of the Vatican. He hasn't been the same since he returned two years ago. Wrote a book on brainwashing techniques. Tries to give up his longtime habit of sleep to have a second life at night.   Sometimes, GONZO just stands back and lets it all happen.
MODEL Kerry Marie ANIMORPH Solitron