Mrs. Col. Roger Watson-Smythe (the former Miss Marigold Easly) addresses the Westminster Ladies' Auxiliary Tea with wobblers rampant. Pip pip, cheerio!

Three-time Boob-Cruiser SC wonders whether he'd have room to pack one of the models in his luggage if he left his binoculars at home next time.

PACMAN is the Happy-Go-Lucky Morph artist who is most known for being seen in the #BE_LOFT at all hours of the day and night. He is also obsessed with girls with Blue Hair. (Why don't they have a homepage yet?) He lives off of a healthy diet of Chicken Strips and Cheese, and only eats vegetables if they are deep fried in batter. A webmaster, an artist, a musician, and a boob addict. That would be him. (P.S. He is highly afraid of water.)

MARLOWE lives in Liverpool with two cats and a computer. He never saw the Beatles. Marlowe would like to travel, meet interesting people, and work to end Third World Debt. Marlowe will probably win an Oscar for best-adapted-screenplay, but may have to settle for the notoriety of being the world's first serial killer of night anglers...

STACKER occasionally flashes us back to his memorable relationship with the bodacious Shelly.

Columnist MYCROFT (age 51) disappeared in 1993 after claiming to have discovered the unofficial porn collection of the Vatican. He hasn't been the same since he returned two years ago. Wrote a book on brainwashing techniques. Tries to give up his longtime habit of sleep to have a second life at night.

ST STEPHAN has some bad news, and some other bad news which has turned into good news. The bad news is that his progress towards true sainthood is gravely imperiled by numerous local and interweb distractions. The other bad news is that his penchant for huge breasts and his intercourse with the Breast Expansion Archive was recently discovered when a brother came upon the Archbishop, uh, enjoying - flagrante delicto - Stephan's copious collection. Well, since it was the Archbishop himself, the upshot is that Stephan has been named missionary to big-breast lovers everywhere, with residence at the BEA. And like any good missionary, he must be fluent in the language of his flock, viz. big boobs, as a means of bringing you to the Bosom of the Church (see?). So, gratia Deo, expect more memorable mammary material from His Holiness, but rather more directed towards the True Faith than of late (cf. the Thanksgiving and Christmas/St Stephen's Day contributions). And rest assured that St Stephan intends to derive complete fulfillment from his missionary position.

PLATO VOLTAIRE, longtime writer of cop stories involving well-endowed female officers, is currently taking a working vacation on the planet Outback. He's doing research for an upcoming movie that will involve two of his most popular characters, Lynnae and June. Part of the research will involve participation in the Sea of Derby beach scene. Since bikini volleyball and wet t-shirt competitions are held on a regular basis on the Sea of Derby beaches, it will be quite some time before we'll hear from Plato again.

JULIEKAT has been concerned with the notions of BE for more than 2/3 of her life, and is, sadly for the rest of us, not available (BustArtist, as well as being an incredibly talented artist, is a lucky bugger too!). Her life in the frozen North has lead her to this one true belief: despite rumors, milk -does not- freeze inside the human breast, even when it -is- 40 degrees below zero. Besides this profession as an almost literary figure, Juliekat's love of shepherding cats and small children has lead her to yet another possible outlet for her many talents: veterinarian school. If she could say one thing to America, it would be to remind snooty store clerks that bra sizes don't stop at DD...or F...or G...

A Modern Male Mammal living in Los Angeles, PALOMINE is a devoted Breast Man, a staunch Libertarian, a committed Secular Humanist, a practicing Automotive Enthusiast and an active Proponent of Volunteerism. He also holds labels of all kinds in fervent disdain.

"Charlies in the wire! Charlies in the wire!" I hear the cry. I look for the claymore or fougass clackers, but no time... "Charlies in the wire!" I unsling my M-16, charge it and feel the selector with my right thumb as I flick it to automatic.. "Charlies in the wire!" I raise the rifle with careful aim, and then Johnny hits me. "Man can't you see Charlie is stuck in the wire, now go cut him out!" Damn Vietnam flashbacks! What I hate most about them is never having been in Vietnam to begin with. Well, this here is Bosnia, and will just have to do. So, what do I do? What in the world does BAD IRVING do? Several of my employers over the years have asked that very question, which explains why I have had several employers over the years. Right now, what I do is field work for BEhavior. I bet you didn't know we had a field reporter. Guess again, that's me. I'll always remember the day gonZo (our illustrious editor) tells me, "Bad, we here on the staff would really appreciate it if you would leave the country." Wow, an international beat! I said, "So, where to, chief?" At which point gonZo laughed, "Good Rid-- I mean, welcome to the team. Why don't you start off by verifying our reports that landmines spur breast development? Some detailed field work would be of interest. Oh, and here's some ear plugs.". With that, the rest is history. :-P

Sanitized for your safety: JUSTMEMIKE writes the "Mai Pehn Rai" column for Behavior and the "Also On Video" column for R & D. JMM also handles recruitment of new writers for Behavior Contact him for story submissions. When he isn't at the keyboard, you might find JMM at a baseball game, or on some vacation in Europe or Asia. And he loves cats and dogs.

FRANZ is the F of F&K, the hard-working Italian morpher couple Franz75 & Katia, and has always had a big mouth. Since he wore short pants, he has spent most of his time busting his schoolmates' balls with his ideas on such things as the Existence of the Supernatural, the Meaning of Life, Immortality, and Tits. Today, few things have changed (apart from his pants): having specialized in the study of formal logic, he started to morph, and he claims he won't stop until he has calculated the golden section of boobs. Feeling sure he'll never find it, Chili Palmer agreed to host his works. Franz lives on in the vain illusion that what he does is art, and that one day he'll have his own gallery in the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. His friends are too kind to tell him the truth.

Like Marlowe, GONZO lives with two cats and a computer. He doesn't reside in historic Liverpool, but he has a bathtub full of spam.