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ST STEPHAN has
some bad news, and some other bad news which has turned into good
news. The bad news is that his progress towards true sainthood is
gravely imperiled by numerous local and interweb distractions. The
other bad news is that his penchant for huge breasts and his intercourse
with the Breast Expansion Archive was recently discovered when a brother
came upon the Archbishop, uh, enjoying - flagrante delicto - Stephan's
copious collection. Well, since it was the Archbishop himself, the
upshot is that Stephan has been named missionary to big-breast lovers
everywhere, with residence at the BEA. And like any good missionary,
he must be fluent in the language of his flock, viz. big boobs, as
a means of bringing you to the Bosom of the Church (see?). So, gratia
Deo, expect more memorable mammary material from His Holiness, but
rather more directed towards the True Faith than of late (cf. the
Thanksgiving and Christmas/St Stephen's Day contributions). And rest
assured that St Stephan intends to derive complete fulfillment from
his missionary position. |
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PLATO VOLTAIRE,
longtime writer of cop stories involving well-endowed female officers,
is currently taking a working vacation on the planet Outback. He's
doing research for an upcoming movie that will involve two of his
most popular characters, Lynnae and June. Part of the research will
involve participation in the Sea of Derby beach scene. Since bikini
volleyball and wet t-shirt competitions are held on a regular basis
on the Sea of Derby beaches, it will be quite some time before we'll
hear from Plato again. |
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JULIEKAT has been
concerned with the notions of BE for more than 2/3 of her life, and
is, sadly for the rest of us, not available (BustArtist, as well as
being an incredibly talented artist, is a lucky bugger too!). Her
life in the frozen North has lead her to this one true belief: despite
rumors, milk -does not- freeze inside the human breast, even when
it -is- 40 degrees below zero. Besides this profession as an almost
literary figure, Juliekat's love of shepherding cats and small children
has lead her to yet another possible outlet for her many talents:
veterinarian school. If she could say one thing to America, it would
be to remind snooty store clerks that bra sizes don't stop at DD...or
F...or G... |
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A Modern Male Mammal
living in Los Angeles, PALOMINE is a devoted Breast Man, a staunch
Libertarian, a committed Secular Humanist, a practicing Automotive
Enthusiast and an active Proponent of Volunteerism. He also holds
labels of all kinds in fervent disdain. |
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"Charlies in the
wire! Charlies in the wire!" I hear the cry. I look for the claymore
or fougass clackers, but no time... "Charlies in the wire!" I unsling
my M-16, charge it and feel the selector with my right thumb as I
flick it to automatic.. "Charlies in the wire!" I raise the rifle
with careful aim, and then Johnny hits me. "Man can't you see Charlie
is stuck in the wire, now go cut him out!" Damn Vietnam flashbacks!
What I hate most about them is never having been in Vietnam to begin
with. Well, this here is Bosnia, and will just have to do. So, what
do I do? What in the world does BAD IRVING do? Several of my employers
over the years have asked that very question, which explains why I
have had several employers over the years. Right now, what I do is
field work for BEhavior. I bet you didn't know we had a field
reporter. Guess again, that's me. I'll always remember the day gonZo
(our illustrious editor) tells me, "Bad, we here on the staff would
really appreciate it if you would leave the country." Wow, an international
beat! I said, "So, where to, chief?" At which point gonZo laughed,
"Good Rid-- I mean, welcome to the team. Why don't you start off by
verifying our reports that landmines spur breast development? Some
detailed field work would be of interest. Oh, and here's some ear
plugs.". With that, the rest is history. :-P |
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Sanitized for your
safety: JUSTMEMIKE writes the "Mai Pehn Rai" column for Behavior and
the "Also On Video" column for R & D. JMM also handles recruitment
of new writers for Behavior Contact him for story submissions. When
he isn't at the keyboard, you might find JMM at a baseball game, or
on some vacation in Europe or Asia. And he loves cats and dogs. |
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FRANZ is the F
of F&K, the hard-working Italian morpher couple Franz75 & Katia, and
has always had a big mouth. Since he wore short pants, he has spent
most of his time busting his schoolmates' balls with his ideas on
such things as the Existence of the Supernatural, the Meaning of Life,
Immortality, and Tits. Today, few things have changed (apart from
his pants): having specialized in the study of formal logic, he started
to morph, and he claims he won't stop until he has calculated the
golden section of boobs. Feeling sure he'll never find it, Chili Palmer
agreed to host his works. Franz lives on in the vain illusion that
what he does is art, and that one day he'll have his own gallery in
the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. His friends are too kind to tell him
the truth. |
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RICHARD O. STEELE
is a lawyer, and therefore a dangerous social parasite. He tries to
atone for this deplorable status by writing highly erotic big breast
fiction, all of which happily lacks any socially redeeming value whatever.
It features beautiful young women with impossibly huge bosoms whose
consorts are stallion-like in their reproductive equipment. Mr. Steele's
latest effort, a 99-chapter, 167,000-word novel entitled The Bigger
the Better was just posted to the Ladybumps
site and other locations. As his article suggests, Mr. Steele engages
in hands-on field research for his stories. Although his scholarly
investigations require late hours, a significant monetary outlay,
and even some physical exertion, Mr. Steele gladly undertakes them
in order to render his stories as true to life as possible. His readers,
after all, deserve no less. |
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Although GONZO
shares a close friendship with his penis, he has not given it a nickname.
You can, however, write to it at askgonzospenis@hotmail.com. |
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