Recent User Gallery birthday wishes for everyone's favorite silicone blonde (SaRenna Lee, looking fully ripe and quite luscious at age 30) got me to thinking about women and the changes that they go through as they age. Specifically, I got to wondering about those changes that affect their sexual nature... not those that are clearly visible and easily seen, but rather the changes that are less obvious. How do their attitudes towards sex change as they get older? What are the results, if any, of those changing attitudes? Also, what about those physical changes to their bodies that aren't readily visible? Do such changes affect sex, and if so, how?

For the purposes of this article let me point out that I'm not going to examine any issues involving menopause for a couple of reasons: plenty has been written about the effects of menopause in women in the mainstream media, and, just as importantly, I'm unqualified to speculate on this topic based on my experiences as a modern male mammal (or more specifically, my lack of relevant experience thereof).

I'm now in my mid-30s and have been sexually active since I was 17. In that time, I've had the opportunity to become intimately involved with women ranging in age from 18 to their early forties. Though my 'roster' certainly isn't lengthy enough to provide any sort of statistically valid sample, and my judgment is unavoidably based on experiences with this limited group of partners (and on discussions with friends) I do have a certain amount of experience in the field, enough certainly to justify an opinion. To those of you who are my age or older, my conclusions won't necessarily be revelatory. However, hopefully some of you will find what I have to share informative, and perhaps even entertaining as well. Of course, I'm hardly the first person to speculate about these topics (some of the text from Ben Franklin's "In Praise of Older Women" comes to mind, though I'm sure that classical philosophers probably had some thoughts on the subject of older women as well).

Again, I don't purport to offer these opinions as fact... in fact ANY conclusions, even those that ARE generated by a statistically valid survey, have only a very limited application when used as a comparison for any specific individual. Even within my finite experience, there exist a couple of exceptions to the conclusions that I put forth here. This is inevitable, as variations in personality, physiology and level of sexual experience are unavoidable (e.g. not every 23 year old redhead with a bouncy 36 inch D-cup bust has been sexually active for the same number of years, or attained the same levels of self-confidence and sexual technique. Nor does every pert B-cup brunette in her early forties have the same quality of muscle tone, regardless of her particular diet and exercise regimen). This is to say nothing of the variations stemming from religious, cultural and socioeconomic factors that differentiate one individual from another. And we all know that, although women achieve sexual maturity earlier than men, they attain their sexual peak considerably later. Thus, with these disclaimers out of the way, I present the product of my experience as simple opinion subject to change as warranted by future events. With this caveat, let's proceed.

Part One of Two: Attitudes In general...
How do women's attitudes about sex change as they become older?

In my experience, women become far more comfortable and open-minded about sex as they mature. Of the women that I've been intimate with, those who were at least in their thirties have, on average, also been considerably more confident and skilled in bed then their twenty-something counterparts. This is not to say that younger women don't know how to provide and receive pleasure, it's simply that women who've been sexually active for a decade or two appear to be more comfortable with their bodies and with themselves as sexual beings. This increased comfort level enhances self-confidence and often increases their willingness to try new things, two important components of a good sex life.

My recollections of sex in my twenties (usually with women about my own age or just a couple of years older) involves partners who though eager to please, generally preferred to be intimate without being completely naked or, as an alternative, with the lights out and the room too dark to see much. On the other hand, my more recent partners (in their early- to mid-thirties on average) seem to be far more comfortable in their own skin, and with the idea of letting themselves been seen and enjoyed. It's possible that these women, being more experienced, have developed a better understanding of men as visually oriented creatures and realize that this fact can be put to good use to improve the sexual experience in a mutually beneficial manner. Other mechanisms may also be at work, but in any case, there's strong evidence to support this "older is bolder" conclusion.

A partner of mine who was in her early twenties at the time, in addition to avoiding nudity and well-lit bedrooms, actually seemed averse to having her body looked at during intimate activity - despite the fact that I was clearly highly aroused by her physically, which within the context of an intimate, long-term relationship might reasonably be interpreted as flattering. Initially her attitude came as a surprise to me: after all, who doesn't like to be liked? No amount of praise, discussion, or even cajoling could sway her from what seemed to be a standard internalized level of discomfort with her own body. And of course: if she wasn't able to be comfortable with her physical sexuality, it wasn't possible for her to be very comfortable with others in that fashion. During the time that we were involved, I generally had to satisfy my desire for visual stimulation with quickly stolen glances of her soft breasts and well-rounded bottom... actually peeking when she wasn't looking. Though this unfortunate situation had little to do with the eventual demise of that relationship, it certainly did nothing to enhance it. Other relationships that I've had with women in their early to middle twenties exhibited some similar symptoms, though thankfully not to that extent.

The last few women that I've been intimate with most recently have ranged in age from 31 to 42. All are what would objectively be described as attractive, each having their own physical qualities that appeal to a reasonably healthy man like myself. This is not to say that any of them are supermodel material (fortunately for me, it happens that I'm not really the supermodel type) and none of them have had any delusions that they might fall into that category. Despite this, and in spite of the minor physical flaws common to anyone not benefiting from extensive cosmetic surgery, not a one of them has been particularly uptight about being seen in the nude. On the contrary, each one of them without exception seems to have been delighted with the fact that the sight of their bodies brings pleasure.

Whether it's a willingness to make love in a well-lit room, or just not making a mad grab for a towel or robe right out of the shower, it's clear that each of them has been fairly comfortable in her own skin. To my mind, this self-confidence adds considerably to their erotic appeal. One woman had a habit of standing leisurely in the bedroom doorway after sex, stretching like a cat against the door frame, her body still damp from exertion. She knew that I was watching and clearly enjoyed the fact. Another, knowing of my particular fondness for her heart-shaped behind, often took her time when bending over to reach something, giving me every possible opportunity to admire her derriere. My current girlfriend actually makes an effort to let her breasts bobble and sway during intercourse, and the smile on her face as she watches me take in their mesmerizing dance is evidence of the pleasure that she takes in being lusted after. A far cry from the "Could you turn the lights off first?" so common a decade earlier.

This increased comfort level translates into areas other than simple visual stimulation. As they become more content with themselves and more self confident, women can have a tendency to become more open to variations beyond basic intercourse. And those who've become more open to other activities stand a very good chance of becoming adept at them, simply as a matter of practice making perfect. Let's take oral sex as a common example.

I've yet to meet the man who doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex, and the act usually comprises at least some modest percentage of activity during any prolonged sexual relationship. However, not all women are equally comfortable performing fellatio and not all women are equally skilled in their technique. Of course exceptions exist, but on the whole, those women who've been the most enthusiastic and effective in this area are those with at least a decade of sexual activity under their garter belts, and thus more likely to be nearing 30 rather than in their teens.

Now, before you protest that there's no such thing as a bad blow job: I agree. ANY oral attention is welcome, and certainly far better than none at all. However, in my experience the act can be raised to the level of high art only by a woman who's had the opportunity to perfect her technique and who is comfortable being watched by her lover with his cock in her mouth. This usually (but again, not always) excludes a younger woman who's had only a few partners on which to practice, and who may still be a little shy. As it happens, I've been deep throated by only a couple of different partners as it often proves to be somewhat difficult due to my endowment (no bragging here, just trying to make a point). Both of the women who were able to do so were anywhere from a few years to a full decade older than I was at the time. Not a one of the younger women that I've been with has been able to accomplish this task despite sincere efforts (I don't mean to suggest that this activity is some sort of pinnacle to be sought after: however, if you've ever had the pleasure of being the recipient of this act, you know that it can be mighty impressive in its own way). In my experience, gals in their thirties and forties simply know more about cocks and how to put them to good use than do their younger sisters.

This situation also seems to hold true in reverse: younger women can often seem less eager to receive oral pleasure than their more experienced counterparts. This probably stems from some of the self-confidence issues that we've already touched upon: after all, from the female perspective cunnilingus is perhaps a more intimate act than fellatio, and it rarely provides any pleasure for either partner if the woman isn't comfortable enough to be receptive to that sort of attention. In my experience, the act can be one of the great joys of an intimate relationship, and when a woman is not only receptive but actually enthusiastic and excited about it, a sense of satisfaction akin to ecstatic worship can be the result. Needless to say, my earlier partners were usually not quite as interested in this as their more recent counterparts, thus leading to my conclusion that more mature women are better at receiving pleasure as well as providing it.

Now you might fairly suspect that my experience of an age-related increase in oral acceptance and enjoyment has paralleled a commensurate increase in the refinement of my own technique over time. This is a reasonable assumption, as the average age of my partners has increased as I've gotten older and that practice does have the potential to result in improved technique (given adequate feedback). However, due to circumstances too digressive to recount here, I had the good fortune to receive a thorough education in the area of providing oral pleasure early on in my sexual career and I've evidence to conclude that this education has served me in good stead. I believe that I've long since established a baseline of effective technique from which to appraise varied responses with a modicum of objectivity. Thus I feel as I do regarding this particular difference between younger and older women.

Another area in which I've been able to confirm the increased level of open-mindedness among more mature women is that of anal sex. Though not to everyone's taste, this act, properly carried out, has the potential to provide a very special kind of shared intimacy that can result in an enormous amount of pleasure for both parties. Of course trust, patience and lubrication are all vital components if the act is to be mutually successful (though this probably goes without saying, I felt that I ought to provide this disclaimer for liability reasons).

It has been a part of every sexual relationship I've had with only a single exception and again, based on my experience I can state that older women are not only more receptive to the idea, some are even comfortable enough to not only enjoy it, but also to express interest in the act on a regular basis. Of the women that I've slept with, only one under twenty-five seemed capable of taking a sincere active pleasure in the practice...an attitude for which comfort and self-confidence are most certainly prerequisite. Again, I don't put forth anal sex as any sort of idealized act to be sought after. It's simply one more potential choice in the tool box of sexual activities, and the more choices (and thus the more possible variety) the better, especially for an extended monogamous relationship. Ongoing mutual satisfaction in any sexual relationship thrives on variety, among a number of other things.

Thus in all their varied wonder, women have the potential to, and often do improve with age like fine wine, good scotch and most real estate investments. This is not to say that all women will, just that in my experience, many do. In our next installment we'll have a look at some of the less obvious aspects of the female age/sex equation, including one in particular that's rarely discussed. Until then...