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It
was a good Millennium for us breast men, wasn't it? The best
one so far. Looking back, it was a Millennium for the ages.
God gave us a cornucopia of natural bosoms AND the ability
for mankind to manufacture ones of stupefying and totally
bizarre proportions. And as a society we became totally obsessed
by breasts.
Not that there's anything WRONG with that...
I've been "ping"ed every day recently with various forms of
the same question, "Who's the greatest big-bust model of the
Millennium?" Wary of the role subjectivism plays in that kind
of experiment, I really could only reply with vague responses
suggesting that there were perhaps some twenty to thirty women--actresses,
figure models, strippers, adult performers, miscellaneous
celebrities--who would, for me anyway, qualify as the creme
de la creme of the Tit Culture. Which is a perfectly reasonable
evasive answer.
But I'm rarely one to settle on an evasive answer, so I thought
about it. Who would I pick? Well, that's hardly an easily
answered question. I collect photos of hundreds of the most
spectacularly-appointed femmes of the past half century, and
picking one, or even a (forgive me) HANDFUL, is hardly indicative
of my appreciation for them all. But she'd have to have a
world class figure--beyond superlatives. She'd have to be
pretty. Not Claudia Schiffer-like, or Michelle Pfeiffer-like--those
are face girls. But a Millennium Boob Girl would have to be
well-qualified in all aspects of the aesthetic.
She'd have to have had some lasting import. Now, I realize
that breast admiration may be a fringe element of society--as
much as we'd like to think that the entire world has heard
of the icons we adore, that just isn't so. On the other hand,
within our community I think it can be stated with some assurances
of certainty that some women are more beloved, more known
for, and have promoted their breasts, and the appreciation
thereof, more than others.
Finally, I decided that I'd risk comparing buxoms between
distinct "eras". That's always dangerous, in this case simply
because sex, physical manifestations of sex and the idealization
of the "sex symbol" are so vastly different now than, say,
fifty years ago when the Tit Culture was born. By today's
standards, what was sexy in the 1950's is considered nearly
wholesome. Case in point: a friend of mine--a contemporary,
aged 30--recently watched a Marilyn Monroe movie and said
he found her to be "motherly". Of course, this was a guy who
fawns over Tiffany Towers.
I guess I'm a bit more jaded when considering the younger
perception of what is "sexy". Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but
I've seen a lot of "glamour babe" memorabilia in my day and
I think there is a timelessness of classic cheesecake, photographed
by the likes of master photogs like Russ Meyer, Ron Vogel,
Keith Bernard and others, which seems lacking in the big bust
erotica of today. There was a sweetness in cheesecake photography--even
in nude photography--before the pubic revolution of the 1970's
and beyond, when the reader unwittingly conspires with the
photog to perform gynecology on the model. Now, that innocence
so revered in the 1950's and 1960's seems as though it belongs
to another...Millennium.
Still, once in awhile, along comes a woman whose physical
gifts transcend the times and the medium in which she is portrayed.
I guess that's the best way I could describe just what a "Millennium"
model is.
It's really too bad that the lads who suggest that the artificially-enhanced
"supertitters" in today's stock men's magazines represent
the "epitome" in women's figures. I won't deny the shock appeal
of seeing those stuffed supertits in a tight wrapper, but
somehow comparing ....THOSE...with the "Real Thing" cheapens
the value of an Anita Ekberg, a Virginia Bell, a Roberta Pedon,
women whose lush home-grown figures made them figurative and
literal figurative physical standouts from their peers. Sarenna
Lee has a jaw-dropping set of udders, to be sure, but in the
present day and age, she is but one of a seemingly endless
parade of artificially-stuffed, peroxide-haired, collagen-lipped
Barbie Dolls rolling off of the assembly line straight into
the pages of slick men's mags. God love them for it, to be
sure--breast men owe them a great deal of gratitude--but,
as Sarenna's own advertising says it so well, she's a "Marilyn
Monroe for the 'NINETIES".
The value of a Millennium Girl ought to be measured by the
impact she has on her forum. That is, a buxotic ought to be
considered in relation to her times, her era, her peers, and
her effect on the Tit Culture. Having a chest the size of
a zeppelin, with its own zip code, isn't enough. Having the
goods to buy the election doesn't mean you're the best. That
ought to tee off enough breast enhancement fanatics for one
month, but it's mathematical fact.
Don't get me wrong--I love bazooms--big breasts--be they D
cups or triple Ys. But a Millennium Girl is far more than
her cup size.
With that in mind, then, here's a ten spot that ought to evoke
some of the br---, uh BEST memories of the past half century
of the Tit Culture. Bare in mind, these aren't the ten biggest-bosomed
women of the past fifty, nor the prettiest, nor even the most
acclaimed or most published. They are ten ladies whom I believe
will be beloved and revered as the greatest bosom icons of
all-time when our great grandsons are mouse-clicking through
the pages of some future big tit magazine.
My "Number One" Millennium Girl is saved for the end. The
other nine, in no particular order, are as follows:
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ANITA
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EKBERG |
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I've
written a good deal about "Ekberg the Iceberg" in other articles,
but I'll mention here that Anita almost single-handedly drove
Hollywood's infatuation with bosoms during the 1950's. Sure,
along would come Jayne Mansfield, and Mamie Van Doren, and Jane
Russell and Marilyn Monroe had already introduced Hollywood
film audiences to the appeal of curves, but it was Anita who
really launched America's love affair with bazooms. She was
goddess-like in her Nordic beauty, her much-more-than-ample
breasts an almost shocking contrast to her flawless facial features.
No less an expert than the King of the Nudies, Russ Meyer, proclaimed
her as "perfection in female anatomy", and still mentioned her,
forty years later, in Playboy's Voluptuous Vixens. THAT
is some serious, long-term impact. I am an active Ekberg collector
and can aver to the fact that eBay auctions for Ekberg items
draw rabid bidding today. If only for her formfitting little
black dress and deep-dish cleavage in La Dolce Vita and
Boccaccio '70, Ekberg would merit inclusion on this list.
With her relatively long spotlight as a sex symbol, during the
1950's and 1960's, Ekberg is arguably THE greatest bosom icon
of the Tit Culture. |
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VIRGINIA
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BELL |
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She
was a cute, if not glamorous, redheaded 1950's burlesque striptease
starlet of impossible proportions, in an era when breast augmentation
was but a pipe dream. Often billed as having a 48" chest, such
a number is entirely feasible given the documentary evidence.
Her stripteases are vividly-recalled today by fawning big-boob
admirers who often advise that seeing her in person was their
greatest personal accomplishment. I can recall nearly choking
with glee the first time I discovered her picture in an advertisement
in the back of a long since forgotten men's magazine. Virginia
Bell kind of had that effect on a lot of fellows, I would guess.
At five foot two, her frontal spillage seemed even more vast,
more unbelievable. Virginia's burlesque career was her bread
and butter, though for years she was heavily promoted by Fling
magazine, the King of tit mags until its demise into oblivion
in the early 1990's. She also featured in an abnormally large
number of nudie "loops"--8mm "stag" type films that featured
models posing in a variety of cheesecake-themed "plots" (i.e.,
mostly proudly displaying their breasts and rolling around on
the bed). Virginia is a Tit Culture legend, mostly because she
is proof positive that enormous supertits did exist before models
were helped out by silicone and other substances. |
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ANN
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MARIE |
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A
curious choice, perhaps, especially when women like Chesty Morgan
and Candy Samples from the same era garnered more publicity,
but if one woman ever exemplified the perfect Russ Meyer Girl,
it would be Ann Marie. Her kewpie doll face was pretty enough,
but it was the electrifying sight of her unfathomable profile
in Meyer's Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens that
everyone most remembers about a Meyer movie. Rightfully so,
because of what Meyer calls Ann Marie's "eighteen inches of
perpendicular breast". Ann Marie was discovered by Meyer in
Chicago, where she worked as a stripper in a local club. The
only enhanced woman on this list, for sheer shock value, Ann
Marie is most deserving. |
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DOLLY
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PARTON |
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The
most mainstream of the ladies on this list, with the possible
exception of Anita Ekberg, what more can be said about Dolly
that hasn't already been said? At the height of her beauty,
during the 1970's, no woman was more recognized for her curves
than Dolly. Remember the joke about Dolly having to buy her
bras at the Datsun dealership because she needed a 280Z? Or
when she told Johnny Carson that she'd be considered "bosomy"
even in Tennessee? Or when haughty Barbara Walters curled up
her lip when Dolly told her, "Honey, I don't sing with mah boobs!"? |
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USCHI
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DIGART |
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Woe
is the poor fellow who never heard of Uschi. She was everywhere,
in almost every exploitation film during the late 1960's and
throughout the 1970's. In many ways, as the adult entertainment
industry evolved from busty nudie cutie mags and movies, in
the 1960's, to hardcore pornography in the 1970's, Uschi was
the tit man's salvation. Not that there weren't other delightfully
well-built women modeling during that era (to wit: Suzanne Pritchard,
Lane Weldon, Joyce Gibson and others), but few of them were
as universally beloved as Uschi, probably owing to the fact
that she willingly agreed to make softcore sex films at the
drop of a hat. Indeed, well over a hundred of such films were
graced by the lush figure of Uschi, though certainly her best-recalled
roles were in the films of Russ Meyer, Cherry, Harry & Raquel
and Supervixens. From 1968 until the early 1980's, no
woman featured in more men's magazines. |
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CYNTHIA
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MYERS |
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Playboy
is not necessarily the Boob Man's boon companion, but it usually
is the first taste a wanton, red-blooded youth has of the fairer
sex. It is the most mainstream of men's magazines, and thus
its impact is more far-reaching than other mags in the genre.
Once in a great while, Playboy goes against what has
become a depressing tradition of featuring bleach-blond 36-24-36
clones and features a Playmate for the ages. The greatest ever
was December 1968's Cynthia Myers, and the article title said
it all--"Holy Toledo!" Her published 39-24-36 vital statistics
understated her appeal--she was by far the most stunning physical
specimen Playboy ever featured. Later, a part in Russ
Meyer's deliciously decadent Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
cemented her exalted status as a Tit Culture phenom. |
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ROBERTA
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PEDON |
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Many
would claim that the baby-faced, redheaded Argentine (Italian?)
Roberta Pedon, as prolific in mid-1970's boob mags as any model,
was the greatest physical specimen of all time. I'm loathe to
disagree. Her perfectly-slung, pendulous breasts hung on a legendary
41DD-22-33 frame coupled with a perfectly-toned physique not
normally seen in such buxom women. She never starred in a mainstream
film, though a part in the campy Delinquent Schoolgirls
still boggles the mind. Her career was brief--within a few years
she had retired from modeling, never to be heard from again.
She reportedly underwent breast reduction surgery after she
quit modeling, in the late seventies, but her massive photographic
portfolio lives on and makes her one of the absolute heavenly
bodies in the Tit Culture universe. |
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JOAN
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BRINKMAN |
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Probably
the most personal choice of the women on my list, Joan was one
of the most beautiful figure models ever to grace the pages
of FLING or any other magazine. Her eyes seemed like
jewels that glittered. That she had a whopping pair of pendulous
breasts which flirted with perfection only seemed to strengthen
her case. Joan Brinkman was the favorite model of America's
favorite big tit magazine--FLING--and for that alone,
she deserves a place on this list. |
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LINZI
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McKENZIE |
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In
almost any other decade but the 1990's, Linzi Dawn McKenzie
would be the undisputed big boob Queen. Linzi mania ran rampant
in the mid to late 1990's, due in part to her awe-inspiring
all-natural figure but owing as much to the relentless publicity
her figure generated in the most mammary-obsessed of British
tabloids. Even before she turned "legal", she was well publicized
for her "considerable 34GG assets" (recently expanding to
HH-cups due to a failed pregnancy), which SCORE magazine
and its sister publication Voluptuous have since capitalized
upon at ever turn (thank goodness!) Her fun, outgoing personality,
delightful cockney accent and self assurance in front of the
camera all combine to make her a "complete package" and huge
favorite amongst big boob fans worldwide. Already a living
legend at 21, time will tell, but it seems as though Linzi
has the tools in place to become the greatest mammarian of
all.
Drumrolls,
please....THE Big Bust Model of the Millennium is...
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CHLOE
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VEVRIER |
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I
have to confess that I am a bit biased here, because I have
been in love with Chloe since the first moment I cast my eyes
upon her. Nonetheless, I am going to unabashedly proclaim her
as the Big Bust Model of the Millennium because, among other
things, she has the most extraordinary build of any woman, drawing,
sketch, painting, cartoon, or computer morph I have ever seen.
Because she has beautiful doe eyes and a wistful smile that
betray the fact that she is sincere and sweet and loving.
From all I have seen and read and heard about Chloe she is
in essence a sweet child in the body of a mythological goddess.
Because of her sculpted runner's calves, so muscular, yet
so supple and graceful.
Because of her shyness.
Because of the fact that she has studied medicine and owned
her own clinic.
Because of soft curves and the fact that she is NOT a "fitness
babe" (so sue me, I love that jiggle).
Because of her sweet femininity.
Because when she walks, she sways like a WOMAN. (It seems
blasphemous to say that she looks almost as good going as
she does coming)
Because of her exotic German accent.
Because of THOSE breasts, chiseled by God, which are proof
positive that God is not a woman.
Chloe Vevrier is a modern day Aphrodite, a Venus de Milo as
conjured up by Russ Meyer.
A British friend of mine once remarked to me that it was only
fitting that Germany gave us both Adolf Hitler and Chloe Vevrier
in the same century. "It sort of evens things out", he said.
Okay, so she's a looker. And further, she's universally beloved--revered
even--by men. She unknowingly bewitches them into falling
in love with her, and I can only imagine how many proposals
of marriage she has turned down in her lifetime. Her intelligence,
her charm, her beauty--she is the woman every man desires.
She has the body of Jessica Rabbit and yet is the kind of
girl you'd love to bring home to Mom. She has a sweet round
face that says "kiss me" and eyes which are sincere and loving.
I am a nut about Anita Ekberg, but there is something intangible
about Chloe that sets her apart from her peers in the adult
entertainment industry, or, for that matter, in all of womankind.
Chloe literally redefined the template for the big bust model
during the 1990's. Here was a completely natural figure model
who, size-wise, compared favorably with even the biggest of
the artificially enhanced models of the "silly cone" decade.
Her breasts were so huge, so full and round, so perfectly
pendulous that even the greatest tit models of the past seem
to pale in comparison. For all of that breast implant technology,
no surgeon has ever been able to create a breast as beautiful
as Chloe's. Chloe was simply built that way, and her very
existence strengthens my belief that there must be a Higher
Power running this crazy universe. A woman of extraterrestrial
anatomical build and exquisite beauty, Chloe is truly one
for the ages.
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