In my never-ending quest for big busted features, I thought I was out of luck a few months ago when an advertisement for a local newspaper indicated that Minka was appearing at a local club two days earlier. Then, about six weeks later, Crazy Jose posted a notice in the BEA Forum that Minka was back in town, appearing at the Sahara Theatre in the City of Industry.

Now, a couple of caveats here. Number one, I'm not a big Minka fan. I like 'em big, and I like 'em Asian, but Minka was just too much too soon. (I know that's a heretical thought here at the BEA, and frankly, I can't believe I wrote that statement, but it's true.) Second, the club where she was appearing is one of my least favorites: dingy, grimy, and filled with the type of dancers who might make you want to reconsider homosexuality as a viable lifestyle choice. I fought through these challenges, however; as a collector, I felt it was important to suffer for my art.

Minka was scheduled to dance at 9pm. I arrived shortly before 9 on a Friday evening, and all my fears were realized. As I walked into the club, the dancer on stage looked like a dead ringer for the Angels' Mo Vaughn. Four other dancers were working the floor, none especially appetizing. And, true to form in this club, of the 20 or so male inhabitants, I was the only one who did not look like he had spent the day picking strawberries.

One by one, each and every dancer sidled up to me, feigning desire and pleading for a lap dance. Right on their heels a waitress nipped at my ear, "Buy the lady a drink?" Time after time I answered "NO" and if it were possible to speak that word in under one syllable, I managed to find a way to do it. Nearing 10pm, I spied Hardy Wood, Minka's assistant and erstwhile video fuck partner. What a pathetic little man! How on earth did Minka ever hook up with him, and how could someone that lame walk around with a perpetual frown, even though he has to be living a dream?

The last girl before the show finishes, and Minka comes out, hanging out by the DJ booth. She's enormous! As you know, I've seen dozens of features, and even from 20 feet away and fully clothed I can see Minka is easily the biggest of any girl I have ever seen. Trying to get some perspective, she's easily twice the size of Sable Holiday's enhanced glands. Lisa Lipps pales in comparison, and Traci Topps looks downright pre-pubescent.

For those who haven't seen a feature, here's what usually happens at this point. The feature comes out, dances one song fully clothed, goes topless in the second, strips in the third and then does a floor show of some type in the fourth (and usually) finally song. Not Minka. Halfway through the first song, she's already completely nude! But Christopher Reeve has better moves than she, I'm afraid. No dancing to speak of, no pole work or floor work, just Minka and her huge tits walking around the stage, stopping at each patron, smothering them with her twin towers. The first song finishes and Minka oils up her breasts (very nice). As she approaches me, all the lights are blocked out, and then I am buried in titflesh literally from my head to my shoulders. Unbelievable! The real surprise, though, was the yielding flesh. Given the number of operations and their sheer bulk, I expected cannonball-like textures. But no-- her breasts are super firm, but still soft enough to enjoy squeezing. Ahh, the trip is worthwhile, now. One more song, and Minka now takes out two dildos and starts fucking herself in her pussy and ass simultaneously, then more walking around the stage and titsmothering for the masses. I get buried alive again and again, and love every minute of it.

After the show, I got three Polaroids with her. The final shot was of Minka shoving as much of her breast down my throat as I could manage to swallow. A perfect ending to what I otherwise thought would be a tedious evening. Minka is no showgirl, but her tits get four stars in my book.