BAD IRVING

This was the situation I was in on May 5, when they called me. A situation that now seems to me a lot like getting your family ready for you to be dead in two weeks! Dead as in you suddenly being totally out of their lives, and not available for any type of assistance to them once you are gone. At least there is a possibility to come back from this kind of being dead. (Unless, of course, you get really dead while deployed.) However, on May 5th, when they called, I was in a cast. Not of thousands, just my leg in a cast. Ever the old war horse, that was not enough to deter me; I was off to war. Well, I was also bed-ridden with the cast. Never mind, duty calls; give me my crutches, I am out of here! Well, on Sunday, May 8, the cast came off a full week early! I had a damn war to get to, out of my way! Hmm, I couldn't walk on Sunday, and my leg was purple. Turns out, they said never mind for now, and I missed the war. Never fear: I am healing up, and shall be available to be shot at, more than soon enough!

The important thing you want to know is, "What the hell does this have to do with boobs, or boobs getting bigger?" Duh, hello, we are talking the Balkans here. Do you know a place on the planet with bigger boobs than the people involved with this Balkan Crisis, or a place where things are more blown out of proportion? Oh, wrong boobs, sorry.

Rather, you want to know about breasts, and growing breasts at that. So do I! That is a special challenge to our man in uniform. More specifically, with today's modern military, how does the man in uniform spot the big ones on the woman in uniform? This is not an easy challenge. Have you seen the Battle Dress Uniform (BDU)? It is a lovely ensemble that is basically loose fitting camouflaged pants, and a very loose fitting, oversized, camouflaged shirt that extends well past the belt line. People have hidden tanks in these shirts; we are talking BIG! This leaves the man in uniform guessing at the "armament" of the woman in uniform. Ha! This is no simple military intelligence operation, this is the real deal, this is what our fighting men REALLY need to know! What kind of rack is under that shirt?!

Let's figure out what kind of rack is under that shirt. Remember when attacking, that an unsuccessful attack from one approach doesn't meant to reinforce that approach, but rather to try a new approach. The traditional method for gauging the secondary sexual female characteristics on the chest cavity is via direct observation from the front. This avenue of approach is rendered ineffective by the BDU shirt. They stick all kinds of stuff in the chest pockets of those shirts. The shirts fit like a Barnum & Bailey Circus tent to begin with. You just can't trust a bulge or the lack thereof as an indication of breast size from the front of the target. If ya can't hit them effectively in the front, hit them in the flank! Yes, the flank!

You may gauge the female soldier in BDU's by looking at her from the side. On the flank aspect, extensions of the shirt can be verified as a stuffed pocket versus an actual expansion from the chest area. The flank attack will render the serviceman with sufficient information to warrant additional reconnaissance. You are saying to yourself, "Bad, recon? We don't recon! We want to attack the target and get our hands on them!" All in due time. The mark of a successful plan is simplicity, carried out with audacity. However, failure to properly recon the target can result in misidentification and the wrong target attacked! Yeah, she bulges nicely from the side, but later you find out you looked at her at the wrong time, or she had her hand in her shirt when you looked. Ah, you misidentified the target! Don't you worry, Ol' Bad won't allow you to be without the needed information for a successful mission!

The next step in proper target identification is to have the target illuminated without the benefit of camouflage. Well, duh, but we are talking about a girl in BDU's. NO! We are talking a target of military interest. What, are we going to call off the mission or attack the wrong target because you would not invest time in a proper recon? Now wake up, and pay attention. We've got to get that BDU shirt off of her. No, I don't need candy and flowers to do that, now sit down and shut up. A physically fit army wins wars. There is no surprise there, and there are no BDU shirts worn during physical fitness training (PT)! Now you get it. You want to just happen by, or better yet volunteer for some physical fitness training that has previously identified target participating. You do this and you will find out how the military treats you right. It seems there is only one kind of T shirt female soldiers have for physical fitness training, and it's called too tight! Finally, a supply action worth thanking somebody for! You find out where your target is taking PT and you will be able to fully identify the targets. Hell, if the temperature is right you might find hardened targets!

So, let's re-cap. Female soldiers in BDU's are difficult to check out. However, by looking at them from the side you can get an idea. Once you have an idea about her, just happen to be in the area when she is doing PT, so you can find out the truth about her. There you have it, a little more involved than civilian life, but who said the army was easy?

And how was your week?

:-P
Bad Irving