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Preferring to
remain a man of mystery, master archivist and lapdance technician
Chili Palmer has ignored innumerable requests for a brief
biography.
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Judge
Oaf is the Senior Judge of the Superior
Court of the BEArchive. He dispenses high, middle and low justice
on behalf of an adoring and grateful citizenry. |
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TransPonder
is the most computer-literate of the many personalities inhabiting
the body he shares, and thus the one who becomes dominant whenever
there's a computer nearby. Having so many guys in one head has always
been a source of contention among himselves, but now that he's had
to add a fourth life in the "real" world the arguments go on for hours...
which makes getting anything at all done quite a feat. |
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Franz
is the F of F&K, the hard-working Italian morpher couple Franz75 &
Katia, and has always had a big mouth. Since he wore short pants,
he has spent most of his time busting his schoolmates' balls with
his ideas on such things as the Existence of the Supernatural, the
Meaning of Life, Immortality, and Tits. Today, few things have changed
(apart from his pants): having specialized in the study of formal
logic, he started to morph, and he claims he won't stop until he has
calculated the golden section of boobs. Feeling sure he'll never find
it, Chili Palmer agreed to host his works. Franz lives on in the vain
illusion that what he does is art, and that one day he'll have his
own gallery in the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. His friends are too kind
to tell him the truth. |
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Sanitized
for your safety: JustMeMike writes the "Mai Pehn Rai"
column for BEhavior and the "Also On Video" column
for R & D. JMM also handles recruitment of new writers for
BEhavior. Contact him for story submissions. When he isn't
at the keyboard, you might find JMM at a baseball game, or on some
vacation in Europe or Asia. And he loves cats and dogs. |
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As
his name might suggest, The Other MacMan is BEhavior's resident
evangelist of all things Macintosh. What his name might not suggest,
however, is that he is also BEhavior's resident evangelist
of all things Asian and busty -- especially Japanese model Jun
Kusanagi. He divides his time between his Jun fan site, looking
at or for big tits, and even doing the odd bit of 'real' work -- amazingly,
his wife manages to tolerate all of this. He has also become BEhavior's
resident "gripe guy", since BEhavior's original contributor
of that name disappeared without a trace. No topic is too big or too
dangerous for him to tackle; indeed, for TOMM it's a case of the tougher
the better. The 'Other' part of his name (as well as the title of
his column) refers to his somewhat alternative way of looking at things,
due to the fact that he hails from downunder (or, in the immortal
words of ex-Aussie Prime Minister Paul Keating, the arse end of the
world), so he sees everything upside down. |
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Bad
Irving was a young strapping lad; wait, no, was she a young lass
who liked to be strapped? Hmm... Houston, we have a problem... It
seems the authors have been let loose to write their own bios! (Which,
for the uninformed in the world, is how author bio's get done anyway.
What, you thought they hired a private dick to run down all this info?
Heck no! We write it ourselves.) That brings me back to me: I can
write whatever I want! The only restriction is that I have to be brief.
So with no further ado and before they cut me off, let me say that
Bad Irving really is... out of time and space! :-P |
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Columnist
MyCroft (age 51) disappeared in 1993 after claiming he had
discovered the unofficial porn collection of the Vatican. He hasn't
been the same since his return two years ago. Is working on a book
about brainwashing techniques. Lives with his second wife, a true
32D, somewhere in Europe. Gave up his longtime habit of sleep to have
a second life at night. |
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Columnist
Eddy Torza continues to suffer from multiple personality disorder,
and justifiably so. |
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St
Stephan, as our new European Bureau Chief, made some small contributions
by editing Franz75's and MyCroft's contributions, but felt that the
current difficulties at the Archive made it expedient to postpone
publishing his own article. He has also been more than usually preoccupied
with the struggle against evil, wherein he has some good tidings and
some bad tidings to relate: the good is that he thinks he has been
able to repress the demon Nahpets by getting stoned out of his gourd
when the moon is full. The bad news is that Stephan's stoned condition
has been noticed and frowned upon by the canonization committee, thereby
jeopardizing his aspirations to sainthood. The committee is now pondering
Stephan's argument that, after all, his namesake got canonized precisely
by being stoned. |
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Formerly
a newspaper and comic book cartoonist, book author, and graphic
designer, gonZo now finds himself fixing apostrophes for
the aforementioned staff. Apparently, he killed somebody in a previous
life...
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