We must not lose sight of the real spirit of Thanksgiving: giving thanks. In order to help us return to that true spirit, I have compiled two lists, one for my sisters, one for my brothers, of 30 things, big and small, we have to be thankful for. Many of these are gleaned from the net, so you may be familiar with them: but I am confident some of them will be new to you. And if you come away today saying to yourself, "I never thought of that, that's something to be thankful for," I shall have achieved my object.

So without further ado, here are (ladies first):

• Our buttonholes are on the right side of our jackets.
• We got off the Titanic first.
• We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
• We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
• Taxis stop for us.
• We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
• We can cry and get off speeding fines.
• Free drinks, free dinners, free movies...(you get the point).
• New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
• In countries where military service is mandatory, it's almost never womandatory.
  
  
• We never have to touch the toilet seat with our hands (unless there's a man in the house, or we have to clean it).
• We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
• We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
• No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
• When we're naked and running, our bouncing looks sublime rather than ridiculous.
• We live longer.
• We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
• We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
• We can be 100% sure that our children are 50% ours.
• Even when totally drunk, we're unlikely to get our genitals caught in a zipper.
  
  
• We don't get bald, colorblind, hemophiliac or sterile.
• We'll never regret piercing our ears.
• We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
• We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
• If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
• If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
• We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
• We're never required to wear a tie.
• If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
• There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.

• Our buttons are on the right side of our jackets.
• We can open all our own jars.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• We don't fret if our passport photo is less than flattering.
• We can kill our own food.
• We almost never have strap problems in public.
• Urinating outdoors is quick and convenient, with minimal risk of snakebite.
• If we are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• We can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
  
  
• We don't have to clean the toilet at all: toilets are supposed to smell.
• We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• We can have a nice experience in a crowded elevator by stepping aside to the edge of the door and turning, thus obliging that large brunette to squeeze past us (and nobody can criticize us, because we're just being gallant).
• Same work, more pay.
• If someone forgets to invite us to something, he or she can still be our friend.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
  
  
• We don't transmit baldness, colorblindness, hemophilia or sterility to our children.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• We are never expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• We are not often requested to wear stiletto heels.
• Our belly usually hides our big hips.
• We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• We don't have to shave below our neck.
• Our pals can be trusted never to trap us with, "So, notice anything different about me?"
• We don't have to mooch others' desserts.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, we just might become lifelong friends.