BAD IRVING  
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There has been way too much discussion of the tragedy of breast reduction in our little community. Rather than focus on that "tragedy", let us look at the flip side of the problem. By flip side, I don't mean that this is an article on butt reduction. Rather let us look at the problems we may encounter. Yes, we, i.e. we men, the guys on the dates with the girls that have breasts that are too big.

Ha, you are laughing at me. You say there is no such thing. Well, I am here to tell you: sorry, nope, there is such a thing as a girl with breasts that are too big. You must be prepared to deal with a date whose breasts are too large.
   
   
  First, how do you tell if your girl has breasts that are too big? Look for these...
   
  TELL-TALE SIGNS THAT YOUR DATE'S BREASTS ARE TOO BIG
   
 
1 
 The car seat is adjusted all the way back, but her boobs are still on the dashboard.
   
2 
 There is an echo if you talk into her cleavage.
   
3 
 Her custom bra shop is a parachute manufacturer.
   
4 
 The word "Goodyear" appears on each side of her breasts.
   
5 
 The ground shakes if a bra strap breaks.
   
6 
 Her breasts enter the room 5 minutes (minimum) before her.
   
7 
 When she wears a bikini her breasts obscure her knees.
   
8 
 You need a third person to help you and her push the wheelbarrow her breasts rest in while she walks.
   
9 
 When she sunbathes topless in the back yard, you can see her breasts from the front yard, over the house.
   
10 
 When playing with her breasts, you need to carry a cellular phone in case you get lost.
   
   
  If your date has one or more of the above symptoms, her breasts might be too big. Breasts at these sizes will be difficult to handle, and will subject both you and your date to unwelcome attention when you are out in public. When this happens, remember these...
   
  RULES FOR COPING WITH A DATE WHOSE BREASTS ARE TOO BIG
   
 
1 
 Remember, she's not just a pair of boobs. There is a person there (somewhere): she has needs and your first thoughts should be of her, not her boobs.
   
2 
 Ignore the public for the most part. Unless she's just coming home from the hospital, she's been this size and had this kind of attention for a long time.
   
3 
 Don't say hello by grabbing her nipples. They are not hands to be shaken.
   
4 
 Never volunteer pet names for her boobs. They should be called by their formal names, Lefty and Righty.
   
5 
 Don't say hello by sticking your face into her cleavage up to your ears. A simple kiss on each breast will suffice.
   
6 
 Never - I mean NEVER! - sit on one of her breasts doing an impression of Slim Pickens screaming "YAHOO!" in Dr. Strangelove.
   
7 
 Don't suggest a naked twister game when she takes you home to meet her parents.
   
8 
 It is considered polite, if she drops something into her cleavage at the dinner table, that you reach in and retrieve it for her.
   
9 
 At least once a day, walk behind her while holding her breasts up, to relieve the strain on her back.
   
10 
 Remind her that when in private, she needs to be topless as this lets her breasts breathe.
   
11 
 Above all, and most importantly, be sure and take pictures of her and send them to me, BadIrving@aol.com.
   
   
  If you follow these simple rules, I guarantee you that your date will not view her breasts as her biggest problem. See, with a little careful planning, you can be prepared to assist the woman who has breasts that are too large. Remember, when confronted with a date with breasts that are too large, CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY!

:-P
– Bad Irving