There's been a new arrival at my little cabin in the Nawth Kalina piney woods. No, not babies. Miz Judge Oaf's not wearin' THAT again! No, not another dog. Dexter, our dumb-as-a-rock dachsund's not wearin' THAT either!

No, citizens, your beloved and much-adored jurist has got himself a satellite dish. No more five TV channels, with three "snowy" for this ol' boy, no sir. Now, with the push of a button, I've got 200 channels at my fingertips. Channels from all over the country, all over the world for that matter. I am fast becoming a fan of non-USA TV. Univision and the BBC are my current favorites. Univision for Chella, (Oh, yesss!), and the "Beeb" for comedy.

As an added bonus, I get a thing called ZDTV. Think of it. A whole TV channel devoted to computers, the Internet, website design, and making obscene amounts of cash with a click of your mouse. Leo LaPorte is currently my favorite on ZDTV, (next to Alice Chegia, of course.) He hosts "Call for Help", a show where people at their wit's end with these souped-up cash registers called computers can finally get their questions answered, along with a good dose of Mr. LaPorte's patience and wit added into the bargain. "Call for Help" should be required viewing for all the so-called "Technical Support Lines" I've had the misfortune to deal with. Take notes, you phone-drones, this is how you are supposed to treat your established, paying customers so that they will keep on BEING your established paying customers. Leo also co-hosts another show called "Screensavers", along with some bespectacled female whose name escapes me, (Minimalist looks spot-welded to a Maximalist smart mouth.) updating the "Wired Generation" on the latest happenings and newest products for you to spend your hard-earned cash on. (Can you say, "We are Borg?")

It was from Leo and Ms. "Witz 'R' Us" that I first learned of the "Yahoo/Geocities Affair", and its sinister implications. For those of you who may have been playing Quake II while all this was going on, the facts are as follows:
         A) Geocities.com was established to provide a place for everybody using the 'Net to set up their own personal website. Literally for next to nothing, Joe Mousepad could begin to tap the enormous commercial potential of the 'Net, become an entrepreneur, and perhaps grab a piece of the "American Dream".
         B) As a result, there are now thousands of site owners on geocities.com, many of whom are profiting from geocities.com's laissez-faire attitude and their own cleverness.
         C) Enter Yahoo.com, search engine designer and Internet colossus, looking to grow bigger and take a big bite out of America Online's market. Geocities.com looks good, so an offer is made, figures are wrangled, a price is agreed upon, and a deal is struck.
         D) As geocities.com's new "landlord", Yahoo sends around a message to all the tenants, saying how thrilled they are to be working with such a bright, vibrant bunch of entrepreneurs, how things can only get better, onward and upward for us all, etc., etc. Oh, and Yahoo will require each of you to re-negotiate your site lease for the coming year. By the way, we have made some changes in the lease contract.
         As follows:
         Yahoo now owns all the rights and assigns to your website, so that we can advertise its existence without let or hindrance from you, the site's creator, and we don't have to pay you for our appropriation of your site, either.
         Yahoo also can change your site's "look", (with your unwilling help, of course), in order to make it a more marketable property, so that they can charge higher advertising rates, and make more money off your efforts. Again, you receive nothing for your efforts in this regard.
         Yahoo will not be held liable for any legal actions your site may cause or be involved in. You got problems with lawyers, that's your own look-out, not Yahoo's. We just want the money you can make us.
         Yahoo can't be the target of legal action by you, the site holder, as a result of anything they do to or with your site.
         You can't change the look or purpose of your site without Yahoo's approval. You sell widgets, you're a widget sales site for the life of your lease. This is not something new, citizens. There have been unprincipled individuals trying this dodge throughout our species' history.

Matter of fact, it originally formed the economic basis of feudal society, where the lord of the manor lived off the efforts of his peasants. The peasant's life was one of grueling, never-ending toil for his lord. He tilled the lord's land, grew his crops, worked all day long from sunup to sundown, and then had to whack the pond with sticks at night to keep the frogs from croaking and disturbing his lord's sleep. They also were saddled with the infamous droit de seigneur, a uniquely French custom whereby even the brief bliss of the peasant's wedding night was denied him, his bride's passion and virginity offered up in the lord's bedchamber.

How about an example from American history?

Throughout the 19th century, pioneers and homesteaders were pushing further and further into the American west. Being that most were farmers and ranchers, and that crops and cattle needed water to grow, access to rivers, streams, and springs was of prime importance for their survival and success. They'd find the water, drill the wells, dam the streams, or divert the run-offs, and then put down roots, literally in some cases. Now, the railroads were also pushing west at the same time. Like the settlers, they also needed water: to make steam, to run their railroads, to find more water, to make more steam, etc. Water was more precious to the railroad than gold. Heck, in their possession, water would MAKE gold for the railroad. As a result, if the railroad survey crew said that there was only one water source in an area, and it just happened to be on your property, you could count on the railroad moving heaven and earth to take it from you. And since time was money to the railroad, often they couldn't afford such niceties as haggling over the sale price of the property. Very often, they just took the land away from the settlers, legally if possible, violently if necessary. This is known as a "land grab". The scenario was played out so many times by the railroads that the more notorious of the owners became known as "robber barons", throwbacks to that earlier, brutal era I've previously mentioned.

What the "robber barons" at Yahoo have done, in their towering arrogance, is to destroy the overall value of what they spent all those millions on. The fact that they tried to pull such a stunt in full view of the assembled multitude here on the 'Net, was of such monumental stupidity as to make MSNBC, CNN, and finally even the holy trinity (ABC, CBS, NBC) take notice. Believe me, Yahoo, publicity like this you DON'T need!

So what lies ahead in this sordid tale, you ask? Geocities.com will dwindle as the tenant site-owners wise up, taking business --and their expertise-- elsewhere. Whatever legal-beagle at Yahoo dreamed this foolishness up will be quietly "window-seated", there to ponder the wreckage he has made of his career. Yahoo will spend millions more in legal bills and damage control, trying to recover their tattered integrity and shore up their sagging self-image. Finally, if the original owners of geocities.com look sharp about it, they could buy the husk of their own company back from Yahoo at pennies on the dollar, and start rebuilding it again.

It is altogether fitting that such an incident as this should come to our attention on this July 4th weekend. The greatest foe to injustice and tyranny is an informed citizenry. Knowledge truly is power.

Therefore, let it be proclaimed throughout the land, and loudly, that he who steals my purse may have it, but he who tries to take my life's work away from me will most assuredly find his essentials well and truly jammed in the wringer.

Happy Fourth of July, citizens.

Court's adjourned.

Judge Oaf
Senior Judge of the Superior Court of the BEArchive