T H E   S T A F F   MISC BEHAVIOR   Contributor and Boob-Cruise survivor sc lives by this motto: "Try to avoid getting involved with somebody who's gonna need killing before it's over. It may seem to you that that narrows the field somewhat, but be diligent."     Bad Irving was a young strapping lad; wait, no, was she a young lass who liked to be strapped? Hmm... Houston, we have a problem... It seems the authors have been let loose to write their own bios! (Which, for the uninformed in the world, is how author bio's get done anyway. What, you thought they hired a private dick to run down all this info? Heck no! We write it ourselves.) That brings me back to me: I can write whatever I want! The only restriction is that I have to be brief. So with no further ado and before they cut me off, let me say that Bad Irving really is... out of time and space! :-P     Preferring to remain a man of mystery, master archivist and lapdance technician Chili Palmer has ignored innumerable requests for a brief biography.     Judge Oaf is the Senior Judge of the Superior Court of the BEArchive. He dispenses high, middle and low justice on behalf of an adoring and grateful citizenry.     TransPonder is the most computer-literate of the many personalities inhabiting the body he shares, and thus the one who becomes dominant whenever there's a computer nearby. Having so many guys in one head has always been a source of contention among himselves, but now that he's had to add a fourth life in the "real" world the arguments go on for hours... which makes getting anything at all done quite a feat.     Franz is the F of F&K, the hard-working Italian morpher couple Franz75 & Katia, and has always had a big mouth. Since he wore short pants, he has spent most of his time busting his schoolmates' balls with his ideas on such things as the Existence of the Supernatural, the Meaning of Life, Immortality, and Tits. Today, few things have changed (apart from his pants): having specialized in the study of formal logic, he started to morph, and he claims he won't stop until he has calculated the golden section of boobs. Feeling sure he'll never find it, Chili Palmer agreed to host his works. Franz lives on in the vain illusion that what he does is art, and that one day he'll have his own gallery in the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. His friends are too kind to tell him the truth.     Sanitized for your safety: JustMeMike writes the "Mai Pehn Rai" column for BEhavior and the "Also On Video" column for R & D. JMM also handles recruitment of new writers for BEhavior. Contact him for story submissions. When he isn't at the keyboard, you might find JMM at a baseball game, or on some vacation in Europe or Asia. And he loves cats and dogs.     St Stephan, our European Bureau Chief, has been more than usually preoccupied with the struggle against Evil, wherein he has some good tidings and some bad tidings to relate: the good is that he thinks he has been able to repress the demon Nahpets by getting stoned out of his gourd when the moon is full. (A second demon was trying to possess the BEA last week and, despite being repulsive himself, was repulsed by the united forces of Good -- though it remains to be seen whether the exorcism will have lasting effect.) The bad news is that Stephan's stoned condition has been noticed and frowned upon by the canonization committee, thereby jeopardizing his aspirations to sainthood. The committee is now pondering Stephan's argument that, after all, his namesake got canonized precisely by being stoned.     As his name might suggest, The Other MacMan is BEhavior's resident evangelist of all things Macintosh. What his name might not suggest, however, is that he is also BEhavior's resident evangelist of all things Asian and busty -- especially Japanese model Jun Kusanagi. He divides his time between his Jun fan site, looking at or for big tits, and even doing the odd bit of 'real' work -- amazingly, his wife manages to tolerate all of this. He has also become BEhavior's resident "gripe guy", since BEhavior's original contributor of that name disappeared without a trace. No topic is too big or too dangerous for him to tackle; indeed, for TOMM it's a case of the tougher the better. The 'Other' part of his name (as well as the title of his column) refers to his somewhat alternative way of looking at things, due to the fact that he hails from downunder (or, in the immortal words of ex-Aussie Prime Minister Paul Keating, the arse end of the world), so he sees everything upside down.     Columnist MyCroft (age 51) disappeared in 1993 after claiming to have discovered the unofficial porn collection of the Vatican. He hasn't been the same since he returned two years ago. Wrote a book on brainwashing techniques. Tries to give up his longtime habit of sleep to have a second life at night.     gonZo inserts spaces and punctuation into every article to keep the words from crashing into each other. Although he believes that ideas are indestructible, he'd rather stand under something with a roof when it rains.

model: SaRENNA LEE (it's a theme)