The hype trumpeted this half-hour to be a topnotch entertainment enterprise. How could you go wrong with monkeys, midgets, beer, babes, and boobs? Well, be advised that you could go wrong; way, way wrong. The first imagery had a lot of promise as we watched a guy with a large air hose blow the clothing off a luscious lady, leaving her clad in just her undies. The show's theme song lyrics started with: "Grab a beer and drop your pants..." And we watched a busty dental assistant lean in and over a male patient. Well guys, they promised us "bouncing girls on trampolines every week as long as they are on the air. Gotta be worthwhile, eh? Not!

The Primate Playhouse was next, and the topic was The History of Man. Discovery of Fire, Invention of the Telephone, and Rocket Science were all just excuses to show us monkeys. The monkeys are actually chimpanzees. Make that farting chimpanzees. After the third of three consecutive segments featuring chimps in costumes and dubbed dialogues, all of which resulted in the breaking of simian wind ad nauseum, I was reaching for the remote.

But I wasn't quite ready to use it. After all, the teaser at the beginning of the show did flash some cleavage at us, and did promise nirvana by means of holding out the exciting possibility of watching beautiful bouncing babes on trampolines sometime during the show. Yup, let's give it a shot, says I, with expectancy and hope somewhat on the wane.

Next came new inventions, called Man-o-vations. Two-tabbed beer cans to enable faster consumption. Beef Jerky six-pack rings instead of the environmentally dangerous plastic. Taped auto responses to playback when your wife calls on the phone. And last, Log Loads, which are small explosive devices to blow up dog poop instead of having to scoop it up. Yessir, the dog doo did explode and our hosts were coated with it.

Are you sensing the downhill trend yet? The commercial break at the halfway point began with a graphic asking for the percentage of men that have masturbated in front of a family pet...survey says....71%. Fade to commercial. Thank you God.

The second half had a long segment where the hosts set up a booth somewhere in Venice Beach, CA, to secure signatures on a petition to end Women's Suffrage. Notice we didn't say suffering, we said suffrage, which is the right to vote. Well, we saw an endless stream of women coming up to sign the petition. The hosts played it straight, but you could feel the elbow to ribs, and the cackling about how dumb these women are.

Cindy Crawford, who must be down to her last dollars and in desperate need of work, then came on to do a segment entitled Cindy Crawford's Bathroom Talk. Equipped with a neat tool belt, Cindy discussed bad plumbing and toilets that wouldn't work properly due to faulty ball-cock units. Oh that Cindy...

A few questions from the audience, then a bit of beer guzzling, and then, finally, at long last, mercifully...they announce the girls on trampolines. Which arrives with a crescendo, then lasts but 40 seconds.

Puerile, embarrassing, sophomoric, inane, gross, stupid, mysoginistic, and idiotic are descriptions that come to mind. Give it a month before it is yanked off the air. Forget about The Man Show. Skip past it, or as we like to say: Mai Pehn Rai.