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UNDERWIRE OPINION / EDITORIAL   ST. STEPHAN BEATITUDES THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS SOLUTION   Brethren! The old year has gone out, and with it our uplifting contest. I hope and trust it rekindled in you some knowledge and awareness of sin. Since there were more than three correct entries, I will have to choose final winners with the aid of divine guidance (the Lord will infallibly guide my darts to the most deserving winners). For those of you who did not find all the answers, here they are: SALVAGE was the acrostic, to be found in the first sentence of the third paragraph of the sermon. Sloth, or Laziness, was Sin the First, amply demonstrated by Lolo Ferrari. The identification presented some difficulties because it was a candid picture I took and rather unclear, but connoisseurs should have had no difficulty in identifying those Grand Tetons thrusting straight up in spite of their volume and her supine position. Who else, or rather, whose else, could do that? Here is a photograph of Lolo posing with me (I was attending a papal conference in Avignon and had popped down to Cannes for R&R): unfortunately the photographer was distracted by something and missed most of me, although part of my halo is still visible. Anger aka Wrath was Sin the Second, portrayed with a snarl by Minka. Her anger was due to my taking away her whip for this photograph. In the accompanying picture you can see that when I gave her whip back her wrath began to abate, although she remained high-spirited (would we wish her otherwise?). Minka normally uses the whip for self-flagellation, but her services are also available for penitent sinners like me.   Lust was Sin the Third, and the picture is of Lili Xene initiating a novice in the cloister. It was taken by my camera hidden in the cell of Mother Superior Christene (you did know the X in Xene is like the X in Xmas, didn't you?). Under the circumstances it was impossible to aim the camera perfectly so not all of her head showed, but the body, even with attachments, is unmistakable. Her face is more clearly visible in this picture also taken with my hidden camera: here she is conferring with a colleague, clearly another Mother Superior judging from the size of her t- t- t- ...b- b- b- b- ...mammae; her name sounded something like "Quaesi" (the microphone is much less skillfully placed than the camera). Vanity, much the same as Pride, was Sin the Fourth, illustrated by a double, or perhaps I should say quadruple, image of Toppsy Curvey. She does have something to be vain about, as you can see in this photograph which she granted me the boon of taking; notice the magnitude despite lack of support. Avarice, which can be interpreted as Greed or Stinginess, was Sin the Fifth. SaRenna Lee showed us the greed aspect of it. No one could call her stingy: generous seems a more appropriate adjective. Observe the attached image she most generously sent me for Christmas and see if you don't agree. Gluttony was Sin the Sixth, nicely acted out by Crystal Storm, whose endowment is so vast in the contest picture that she could be considered the object of gluttony as well as its subject. I mean, does she perhaps have too much...? Nawwww. But I'm afraid she really is guilty of the sin of gluttony: at least she must always have something in her mouth (witness the attached image), which can be distracting when I'm trying to wield the camera. Envy aka Covetousness (close to but not quite the same as Jealousy) was Sin the Seventh and Last, played out by Tiffany Towers and a friend. Actually it is the friend who shows the envy, since Tiffany clearly has nothing to envy in the department we are interested in. In fact, this picture which I snapped in the sacristy one afternoon shows that she can only envy...herself. So, my children, there you have the Seven Deadly Sins. It is my duty to say, "Go and sin no more." But as we all know, spiritus promptus est, caro autem infirma --the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We are all sinners, and we will always be. So, as your spiritual advisor, I beseech you to at least carefully choose the sins you indulge in, to never split infinitives or use prepositions to end a phrase with, and to control your partaking of these sins, lest they contaminate your soul and diminish the joys of life. Exempli gratia, while we all like money (even in the True Church), Avarice will blind you to the good things in life. Envy and Anger towards your neighbors profit you nothing, and Vanity loses you in yourself. Gluttony and Sloth will make you unfit for other pleasures of life, such as -- now let's see, which sin is left to enjoy? Carpe diem.