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This is a guide to the people and places appearing, mentioned, or alluded to in Desperately Seeking Hilbert. It is not an index to first appearances, let alone all appearances, but it does provide a who's who and a what's where to the thread. Characters and places are listed separately.

Since comparatively few characters are known by both given and surname, Arrangment of Characters is by name in natural order. Note too that some Characters appearing in this thread (most of them briefly) may not be named at all. These are entered under brief one or two word descriptions if they can be identified as members of a distinctive group, as Unnamed if they can't, or as Extras if they are simple walk-ons of little or no narrative significance. Characters not named or only partially named in this thread whose full names are known from other threads are entered under their full names.

Places are entered by name. Locales appearing in the thread that are also not named are entered under brief descriptions.

The C: or P: designators appearing before each entry may be ignored; they were merely to aid the compiler in resorting entries as the number of entries grew, and are retained for like reasons in the event of later revision. --Dabbler.

C: Backstage Enquirer, The. Organization. The newspaper of the Backstage, and of the Concourse in particular. Referred to by Genevieve the newspaper. Called the Enquirer by Hilbert.

C: Arlow Starr. Character. Doctor, formerly a transgendered Avatar of the Author Mello. A charmer with the ladies, and with Shelly in particular. As a psychologist, he makes a good plastic surgeon, but even he can see what's wrong with Hilbert.... Last name also given as Star.

C: Authors. Authors. Outside powers who warp the course of events in the BE AddVenture by "writing" it. More likely to get Characters into situations than out of them; even when their intentions are good, they tend to just forget about their victims and leave them in trouble. As Genevieve puts it, it's "just like them to foul up everything." Tend to be touchy about homosexuals, in her judgment. Called "our masters" by Hilbert.

C: Backstage Board of Directors. Author Avatars and Characters. Governing body of the Backstage. Mandated Crystal Storm as shock treatment for Hilbert's condition on the recommendation of Genevieve. Refusing to discontinue the treatment despite its miserable failure, the board keeps sending her back in. Mentioned.

C: Backstage Security. The local police force. Genevieve relays calls for the Troubleshooters there when she's working as their representative and they aren't taking their own calls.

C: Backstage Troubleshooters. D.J. Woohoo and Lizzie Fruitbat, the heads of Backstage Security. When they're not taking calls, Hilbert has to. Mentioned.

C: Bob. Character. Delivery man from Tu Lung's.

C: Crystal Storm. Character. Dream-self of the real life model. Resident of a suite up in the Model Levels. A statuesque woman with large and somewhat oddly-shaped breasts (or, in the words of Arlow, "tits like that"). Supposedly a stalker of David Hilbert who has slipped her monitoring device and beat the phase algorithm to break into his office. Actually sent as treatment for Hilbert by the Backstage Board of Directors on Genevieve's recommendation. Refusing to discontinue the treatment despite its miserable failure, the board keeps sending her back in. Locked in the closet by Hilbert.

C: Dabbler (Avatar). Author Avatar. Backstage Troubleshooter involved in the rescue effort in the Service Sector at the end of the thread. Mentioned.

C: David Hilbert. Character. Proprietor of Hilbert's Backstage Hotel. Thoughtful and considerate according to Genevieve; the only perfect gentleman she has ever worked for. Quite people-shy since F-Cup Fitzgerald and Deja Voodoo used him as a medium for their architectural arguments; he's afraid that another Author might take him over. In fact, he is indisposed; the experience has made him so completely knurd that even Genevieve has trouble getting to see him. On her recommendation, the Backstage Board of Directors attempted to treat his condition by sending Crystal Storm in to see him, a strategy which failed miserably. The reason, as discovered by Arlow, is that Hilbert is Gay. Presumably his treatment was subsequently altered. Appears on audio only in this thread.

C: Deja Voodoo (Original). Author. Once used David Hilbert as a medium of his architectural arguments with F-Cup Fitzgerald. Mentioned.

C: Delia June Woohoo (D.J.). Character. Backstage Troubleshooter involved in the rescue effort in the Service Sector at the end of the thread. Mentioned.

C: Elizabeth Drake Fruitbat (Lizzie). Character. Backstage Troubleshooter involved in the rescue effort in the Service Sector at the end of the thread. Mentioned.

C: Enquirer, The. See Backstage Enquirer.

C: F-Cup Fitzgerald (Original). Author. Once used David Hilbert as a medium of his architectural arguments with Deja Voodoo. Mentioned.

C: Ferret, The. Character. Animal which causes various sexual transformations in those who stroke it. Mentioned.

C: Gays. Characters. Men who are sexually attracted to other men rather than women. Authors are touchy about them, for some reason. Mentioned.

C: Genevieve Perkins. Character. David Hilbert's personal assistant, who handles pretty much everything at the hotel that he doesn't ,including assigning rooms and delivering the room keys, securing his authorization on employment referrals, and running interference for him. She also occasionally temps as rep for the Backstage Troubleshooters when they're unavailable. The in-house operator at the Hotel. A thin woman of mature years and a disapproving expression. In accordance with local fashion, she is far more stacked than her slight frame should permit. She is remarkably well- informed; in her position, she has to be. Possibly the datafeed she gets from Backstage Central is responsible. Overworked; it's been two days since her last coffee break. As she is called Miss Perkins, she is presumably unmarried.

C: God. Diety. Name taken in vain by Crystal Storm.

C: Hello. Character. Toon nurse, a transgendered duplicate of Arlow Starr, who himself is a transgendered former Avatar of the Author Mello. Mello herself had been briefly inflicted with this form during the "Author Girls" thread. Has a bad attitude, a crued sense of humor, and chews bubble gum. Wears stiletto heels, which she is quite ready to dig into a companion's foot should said companion venture to say anything stupid. Jealous of other women's attentions to Arlow, whom she considers a jerk and an oaf -- in short, a man. Also known as Nurse Hello.

C: Hilbert. See David Hilbert.

C: Imp, The. Character. Malevolent offspring of Robin Foster by C.M.O.T. Dibbler, the primary menace in the "Imp Chase" thread. Its noxious breath causes various sexual transformations in those who breathe it, and can also trigger behavioral changes. Mentioned.

C: Jaron. Character. One in a pair of hermaphroditic twins, the other being Shim. Formerly Jim and Sharon, their present condition is the result of a series of changes instigated by the ferret, the Imp, and Kiya in succession. The right half of Jaron's body is Jim's, unremarkably male, and the left half Sharon's, exaggeratedly female; shi has both male and female genitalia. Hir mind is that of the former Sharon. Good at stamping on people's feet with hir heel at need, just like Hello. Referred to by Hello as Thing Two.

C: Jim. Character. The AddVenture's main male protagonist. Former version of Shim. A couple normal versions of him are present in the common room at Hilbert's at the time of Shim and Jaron's arrival.

C: Joe Lugubrious. Character. A lugubrious-looking bartender who (as would follow) tends bar in the common room at Hilbert's. Call him Joe; Lugubrious is so formal.

C: Kiya Jaeger. Character. Sorceress, formerly a transgendered Avatar of the Author Zorlond. An important player in the "Imp Chase" thread. With Mirage, the person who referred our protagonists to Hilbert. Prominent in the rescue effort in the Service Sector at the end of the thread. Mentioned.

C: Mello (Original). Author. Doctor Arlow Starr and Nurse Hello are two characters deriving from former transformations of her Author Avatar. Genevieve suspects Mello wouldn't think well of them, though on second thought considers that Mello made quite a show of virtue, but did choose to do her work in the BE AddVenture, which might imply something very different about her tastes -- in reading, whatever they may have been in writing. So perhaps the show was just that, and the less admirable tastes of her derivative Characters represent the truth about her....

C: Mirage Bubastis. Character. Cat-headed Toon sorceress dropped in from a Disney "Aladdin" thread who runs Backstage Central in Sid Russell's absence. The surname appears to have been assumed post-Disney. An important player in the "Imp Chase" thread. With Kiya, the person who referred our protagonists to Hilbert. Mentioned.

C: Nurse Hello. See Hello.

C: Patrons. Characters. Residents of Hilbert's and customers at its bar, present in the common room at the time of our protagonists' arrival. Includes a couple Sharons and Jims.

C: Sharon. Character. The AddVenture's main female protagonist. Former version of Jaron. A couple normal versions of her are present in the common room at Hilbert's at the time of Shim and Jaron's arrival.

C: Shelly Usistju. Character. A pretty Amerasian information girl who tends the the kiosk just inside the entrance to Hilbert's. Helpfully, she wears a nametag. Due to staff shortage, she works both the east and westside entrances, her presence at a given kiosk triggered by the approach of anyone who has never previously been to Hilbert's. As more of these filter in from the Original Backstage than get dropped in at Central, she is rarely at the eastern end. In her absence, an placard and red button appear atop the kiosk; the placard reads: Please accept the apologies of the management. All information personnel are presently assisting other clients. We regret the inconvenience. Please press the red button if you are in need of assistance, and a representative will be along to assist you at the earliest possible opportunity. Newcomers whose information briefing is interrupted by arrivals on the other side can recall her by pressing the button. Shelly is subject to recall after five minutes with other clients, sooner if she finishes with them earlier. Once a visitor's five minutes are up and/or his business with her if finished, breaking eye contact will disrupt whatever circuit keeps her present, even if she hasn't been recalled. Shelly goes off work at six. Finds Arlow Starr charming. Also called Shell.

C: Shim. Character. One in a pair of hermaphroditic twins, the other being Jaron. Formerly Jim and Sharon, their present condition is the result of a series of changes instigated by the ferret, the Imp, and Kiya in succession. The right half of Shim's body is Jim's, unremarkably male, and the left half Sharon's, exaggeratedly female; shi has both male and female genitalia. Hir mind is that of the former Jim, and shi is still a clueless boob, in Jaron's estimation. For one thing, shi's still interested in intercourse with hir former lover, which Jaron regards as creepy. Referred to by Hello as Thing One.

C: Sid Russell. Character. Keeper of the Backstage, currently absent. Mirage is doing her best to fill his shoes. Called the Keeper by Genevieve. Mentioned.

C: Tintin. Character. A young man with a prominent cowlick who dresses in fairly ordinary attire, though he wears a sweater over his shirt. A member of the press, he works for the Enquirer.

C: Visitor. Character. A first-time caller at the west entrance of Hilbert's, whose appearance there calls Shelly away from our protagonists. She is able to handle this visitor's needs in under the regulation five minutes' time and so is recalled to the east entrance early. Not really referred to, this character's presence in this thread is by implication.

P: Arlow and Hello's office. Medical office in the Recovery Sector, established by Hello at the end of the thread.

P: Backstage Central. Focal point of the Backstage and starting point of the current thread. The protagonists leave it by its western gate. East of Hilbert's Backstage Hotel.

P: Basement Mall. Shopping mall in one of the Concourse's basement levels. Mentioned.

P: Basement train. The Backstage Ring's underground transportation system. Arlow assumes it to be the best way to get from the Concourse to the Recovery Sector.

P: Bordello, The. Institution in Hilbert's mentioned by Arlow and Genevieve.

P: Central Casting. A facility in Hilbert's dedicated to Character makeovers. Normally, visitors as disfigured as Shim and Jaron would be sent straight to it for complete makeovers, but since their condition has defeated the best efforts of experts, Genevieve doubts cosmetics are the answer. Mentioned.

P: Crystal Storm's suite. Residence suite in the Model Levels. Mentioned.

P: Discworld. A non-AddVenture reality (though of course the AddVenture has it via parody dump) familiar to Mello, her Character derivatives, and Genevieve. Originating plane of the concept of being knurd.

P: Emergency Room. Hilbert's has a small one, operated by its in- house medical staff. Called the E.R. by Genevieve.

P: Genevieve's office. See Hilbert's Backstage Hotel for location. The door opens automatically to callers with legitimate business, bringing them face to face with Genevieve, seated behind her desk. They generally find she already has a dossier on them. The wall behind the desk is one of the appearance points for Hilbert's office; when it's present, the room seems to glow and flicker, and a door comes into being behind the desk. Communication between the two offices is by intercom. Buttons on the desk operate the intercom; another activates a portal to teleport items (such as Chinese take-out) into Hilbert's office. There is also a fax machine on the desk.

P: Hilbert's Backstage Hotel. Destination of the thread's protagonists and setting of much of the action. Its eastern entrance is through a fountained courtyard into a large lobby that doubles as the common room of the hotel's bar. Beyond the main desk, actually more of a kiosk, are tables for patrons; window booths line the walls to either side. The far wall is mostly glass doors opening onto another courtyard; the bar itself is off to the right, at the north end of the room. To get to Genevieve's office, a visitor must go all the way back to the glass doors and then turn left down the hallway past Registration; she's the next door on the left. Room assignments and keys can be obtained either at Registration or from Genevieve. Room keys come in envelopes which also have the list of Hotel rules inside. The room numbering system is simple -- 100s are the ground floor, 200s the second, and so on up -- always assuming the Authors have finished bickering over the trivialities. Has an in-house medical staff and a small E.R., but according to Shelly, Hilbert's doesn't have any facilities capable of treating Shim and Jaron's condition. Nor are there any staff openings that might accommodate Arlow or Hello. Hilbert's is west of Backstage Central and east of the Original Backstage.

P: Hilbert's office. Destination of our protagonists. The traveling headquarters and refuge of the proprietor of Hilbert’s Backstage Hotel, it can appear practically anywhere in the building. This makes finding it problematical, and is why it's so important to have an appointment. People in Hilbert's don't find him so much as he finds them. More recently he has taken to communicating almost entirely by memo, taking advantage of his office's mobility to keep in seclusion. Contains a phone that Hilbert answers personally, though he attempts to pass the messages on to Genevieve. Also contains a fax machine and a closet in which he locks Crystal Storm. The office's security is maintained by a phase algorithm.

P: Hotel Gardens. Landscaped area separating Hilbert's Backstage Hotel from Backstage Central, to the east.

P: KFC. Fast food chicken restaurant in the Basement Mall from which Genevieve often orders food for the reclusive Hilbert. Delivers more quickly than Tu Lung's. Mentioned.

P: Model Levels. Upper levels of the Concourse in which the dream- selves of real-life models have residence suites. Mentioned.

P: Original Backstage. The sector west of the Concourse. Hilbert's gets more visitors from there than from Backstage Central. Out-of-work Characters who show up there for casting calls may luck out with story reassignments to the AddVenture. Or not. Arlow has a low opinion of it, based on the fact that those who go there default to a low level of self- awareness, losing all sense of their victimization as Characters in the oblivious belief of being mere actors in pornographic scenarios. Outside the Original Backstage at least Characters know what the true score is. On the plus side, transformed Characters tend to snap back to their original forms there, the altered ones being rationalized as special effects. Though onstage, as opposed to back, they are likely to revert. Called the OBS by Genevieve.

P: Recovery Sector. Medical sector several sectors east of the Concourse, currently being staffed. Intended to be more comprehensive than the Service Sector Hospital, presently the Backstage's main medical facility. The techniques in use there are advanced, but cannot yet match the power of Authority, nor are the medical facilities there fully operational yet. Called the RS by Hilbert. Mentioned by Shelly and Genevieve and visited (briefly) at the end of the thread.

P: Service Sector. Next sector east of the Concourse, site of the Backstage's main hospital. Stricken by earthquakes at the end of the thread. Mentioned.

P: Service Sector Hospital. Medical facility in the Service Sector, the next sector east of the Concourse. Currently the Backstage's main hospital, though a new, more comprehensive facility is being staffed in the Recovery Sector. Also called the Main Hospital. Mentioned by Shelly and Genevieve.

P: Tu Lung's. Chinese restaurant in the Restaurant Row Sector from which Genevieve often orders food for the reclusive Hilbert. It delivers to the Concourse, but takes longer to do so than the Basement Mall restaurants. Mentioned.