Johnny was staring open-mouthed at "The Oprah Winfrey Show," and especially the fact that its studio audience seemed to be made up of scantily-clad Playboy models instead of plain-looking middle-aged women, when there was a knock on the front door.
He reluctantly turned off the TV as Tyra Banks -- no wait, that was Oprah -- started jumping up and down excitedly for some reason, her grapefruit-sized breasts bouncing inside her halter top. He walked to the door, opened it, and saw a hot brunette standing there, looking red and flushed.
She was done up as what Johnny would have described as a "slutty farm girl": her hair in pigtails, a plaid shirt tied off below her generously sized breasts, a tight pair of cutoff denim shorts, and leather work boots that looked fairly functional. And she stepped forward and embraced Johnny, squeezing him against her slightly sweaty chest. "Oh, thank God you're all right!" she exclaimed.
"What? Huh?"
"You didn't show up yesterday, and then there was that meteor crash -- I thought you might be dead!"
Johnny suddenly realized who he was looking at. It was Frances Peabody, the high school friend he'd been driving to see yesterday, when he got sidetracked by the meteor crash -- no, wait, the UFO crash. "Who told you it was a meteor?" he asked.
"Officer Diane came by the house to question us," Frances answered. "She said it created some electromagnetic interference, and that's why our phone didn't work, and the electricity's off, too. They told us to stay put until we got the all-clear, but I finally couldn't wait. The cars wouldn't start, neither, so I had to ride my old bike."
So that explained why she was flushed and sweaty. He said, "Yeah, Dana -- I mean, Shannon was here to question me twice." He had to stop himself from staring at Frances's face and body. As he remembered her from high school, she'd been a little chubby with a not-particularly-attractive face, and he'd had no romantic interest in her whatsoever, but now she was a knockout. "I was about to drive over to your place when I saw the crash happen." He pointed in the general direction, which was behind where Frances was standing. "It was up the hill a ways. I think it was on Smith's property."
She turned around to look out the open front door. "Oh, yeah, I think I can see the burn marks. Can we go see the crater?"
"There isn't any crater," answered Johnny without thinking.
"There isn't? For a meteor? Why not?"
Sat Apr 12 02:12:35 2008