She encountered ... someone ... or something?
It was an odd-looking contraption indeed. At the top of a spindly-looking framework, just below head height, was a TV monitor and a speaker. In front of that were two small video cameras, back to back, one pointing back at the monitor, the other facing forwards. The whole thing stood upright, balanced on two wheels, like a Segway. The image on the monitor was like one of those infinite-regression picture-within-picture-within-picture effects you get when you point a camera at a monitor showing what's on the camera, except in this case the images from the two cameras were combined in some mysterious way, so the infinite regression alternated with images of whatever was in front of the contraption.
"Who--or what--are you?" asked the Phantom Knocker.
"I am the Naken Telepresence," replied a voice from the contraption. "I stand in for a being who, for whatever reason, cannot physically be present here. That being is an Author. To be an Author is to find the Truth in Fiction. And to see that Truth, one must look into the mirror of one's own soul. The image on my screen is just such a mirror. Indeed, more than a mere mirror, for it infinitely reflects--"
"Would you mind telling me exactly what you're doing here?" interrupted the Phantom Knocker, with more than a little exasperation.
"Ahem," replied the contraption, a little testily. "As you may or may not know, I represent an Author with a fondness for bodily variety. Whether you have one breast or two, or more than two, or none at all, 'it takes all kinds to make a good fantasy world' is his motto. Extra body parts, missing parts, rearrangement of parts--all the varieties of the human form are but grist to his mill. Excepting only a certain lack of enthusiasm for animal parts. But anyway--"
"So what do you want from me?" queried the Phantom Knocker.
"Why, I would like to offer you a part in the Addventure," replied the Telepresence. "Shed your ghostly unreality, and become firm, full-bodied flesh. Take the role of Mona Monomastic, single-breasted and proud of it. Or perhaps you'd rather be Eunice Uniboob, part flat-chested and part not ... er, how about Wanda The One-Tit Wonder ..."
The Phantom Knocker stared back at the Telepresence, open-mouthed.
"So, kid," continued the machine. "Whaddaya say?"
Sat Feb 11 01:51:14 2006