Urban Renewal? : Elmer Butts Brand New Day (redux)

Unending BE - episode 384640

Elmer Butts shuffled down the hall towards room 203, his slouch and his scowl making him look both defeated and bitter about it. His greasy hair was thinning and combed over his bald spot in a maneuver that fooled nobody. His pale, doughy body was squeezed into his dirty uniform like the skin of an unappetizing sausage.

He stopped at the door, sat his toolbox down, took a swig from the bottle of cheap gin he kept in his back pocket, then knocked on the door.

The door was answered by a smartly dressed, professional looking woman in her mid 30's. She scowled down at him and snapped "Where the heck have you been, Elmer? I buzzed you almost an hour ago!"

He swallowed tightly and started to stammer "Well...I've been busy, Mrs. Goodwin. It's been a rough day, and I...I guess..."

She rolled her eyes and glanced down at her watch. "Damn, I'm going to be late for work! The toilet's plugged-up or something. I don't know. Just fix it and leave...and don't take anything!"

She stormed past Elmer and he muttered "Fucking bitch."under his breath. The casual listener would have thought the same thing...if they didn't realize that Elmer Butts was suspected (rightfully so) of petty thefts all over the building. So far the building Manager (his long suffering cousin, Karen Beatty) had been able to ignore or explain the worst of them, but if they didn't stop soon she'd have to let him go.

He knew this, and (as was his way) he blamed her for the situation.

He waddled back to the bathroom and peeked into the toilet. Why was a man of his talent and intelligence wasting his life like this. He was made for more important things, damn it!

Sighing, he plunged the toilet, poured some Drano into the bowl, then set about looking around the apartment. He casually sneered at the photos of Paula Goodwin, her prettyboy husband "Carl" and her perfect, plastic k1ds. Then he stole a pair of her panties (for later) and used a pin to make tiny holes in the box of condoms he found. He had no real reason for this. He just felt like it.

He went back to the toilet and plunged again, then flushed. He smiled as the obstruction apparently dislodged and the water flowed easily. Then he turned and started to leave...and walked directly into a table.

"OW!" he cried, clutching his banged shin...until he noticed that the ugly little statue that sat on the table was tumbling to the floor.

He tried to catch the statue (which was made of bright red stone and carved to look like a sitting demon or monster of some kind), but he was much too slow. The statue struck the floor with a loud "THUD" and split in half just as neat as you please.

"Shit!" she hissed, and (unwilling to spend the time trying to glue it back together), he picked-up the two pieces and threw them into the garbage before leaving. He casually noticed that inside the two halves of the statue was a small depression.

After tossing the statue away (not being very bright, he genuinely seemed to think that the statue wouldn't be missed.) he took a dollar he found on the counter and started to leave.

"What an unpleasant, little man you are."

Elmer snapped around and looked guiltily about, expecting to find that Carl Goodwin had been home the whole time...watching him. Instead...he saw nothing.

Elmer shook his head and locked the door behind himself before returning to his basement room. He wanted to get Paula Goodwins panties filed away with all the others he'd stolen. He had almost fifty pairs of ladies underwear in a box under his bed, and he wanted to masterbate over his treasures just once more before his cunt of a cousin gave him some more undignified work to do.

"Yes. A most unpleasant fellow, indeed."

He dropped the container of butter he'd stolen from Paulas refrigerator (to use as lubricant) and whirled around the hallway.

Once again...nothing.

He stepped into the elevator and pressed "Basement", his face covered with sweat. He hadn't drank enough yet to start hearing things, so he was worried it might be his concience haunting him. That bothered him, as he'd always assummed he didn't have one.

"You don't have one, Mister Butts. You're the single most self-obsessed person I've ever encountered before."

Elmer spin around and saw a man standing behind him. He pressed himself against the back of the elevator and shook his head, only able to croak "How...how did you...know what I was thinking?"

The man (who was well dressed and looked about 40) smiled and stepped off the elevator and into the basement. He walked over to the room Elmer slept in and walked straight to his own refrigerator. Opening it, he removed two bottles of beer (that Elmer had borrowed from another tenant) and twisted the caps off, offered one to Elmer. Elmer took it with strengthless fingers and swigged half of it down right away.

The stranger took a seat and smiled fondly at Elmer. "I knew what you were thinking because you're an incredibly vapid person, Mister Butts. I believe that any normal human being could read your thoughts. Your so shallow that you're almost empty."

Elmer Butts would have been angry, but he was too scared. Instead he lowered himself into another ratty chair and chugged the rest of the beer. The stranger smiled again and sipped his own beer, before setting the bottle down and saying "Don't take my words wrong, Mister Butts. I like you. You've freed me from a thousand years of imprisonment, and I feel generous. So generous...that I'm going to give you your fondest wish. I'm going to give you...power."

Elmer licked his lips and swallowed hard before he said the word aloud.

"Power?"

"Yes, Mister Butts. I'm going to give you power. The power to make your every passing fancy a reality. The power to mold and shape the lives of your fellow man. The power to inflict untold misery upon those whom you loath...which I believe is most of your species."

"But...how? Why...?"

"Because I like you, Mister Butts. Your a foul, vile person...and those are my favorite humans. Perhaps you'd like an example of your new found power?"

Elmer swallowed, then smiled at the stranger. "OK. If this is real...if I'm not just drunk...then do something to my cousin."

"Your clever, responsible cousin? The woman to whom you owe both your job and home? How richly ironic! What would you like to do to her?"

Elmer chuckled and rubbed his hands together. First...I want to be the Building Manager instead of her."

The Stranger smiled and rolled his eyes. This human could wish himself to be King of the World, but his only desire was to take from others what they had fairly earned. He congratulated himself on having found the perfect host in Elmer Butts. The Stranger fed off human misery, and it was plain to him that Elmer did as well. He just did it in a less efficient way.

The room around Elmer shifted, and he found he was no longer in the basement, but now in the first floor managers apartment. Karen's little touches and additions that had made it such a pleasant living area were gone, replaced with Elmers battered furniture and posters of scantly clad and naked woman. He noticed that his beer bottle collection took pride of place along the windows.

Elmer grinned, now believing everything that the Stranger had said, and he said "I wish my cousin was the building Janitor!"

A knock at the door made Elmer snap "Yeah, what is it?"

The door opened, and his Karen Beatty stepped into the room. She looked...great! Though dressed in the same gray uniform that Elmer had worn, Karen looked clean and professional in it. Her toned, attractive body and sunny disposition made her seem radiant, and it was plain that (even as a Janitor) she was both happy and competent.

"It's just me, Elmer. I'm done with that toilet in 203, which was really just a simple plunging job. I need to get some petty cash if I'm going to get down to the hardware store in time to pick-up those parts we need for the furnace. Then I'll finish fixing that washer in the laundry room."

Elmer scowled and nodded. "Uh, sure...so what was that bitch Mrs. Goodwin like?"

Karen rolled her eyes and smiled "She was just fine, Elmer. I got there early and Paula and I had a cup of coffee before she left. I don't understand why you and she get along so poorly, Elmer. I think she'd a wonderful person."

Elmer looked at the Stranger, and the Stranger smiled. "Before you ask, she can't see me unless I want her to see me. Secondly, you changed positions with her, but she's still the same person inside. You are this buildings much despised Manager, and your cousin is the angel whose hard work keeps everyone happy. She's very popular with the tenants, and only stays here and works for you because she likes the people. Though she's a mere Janitor, she's a VERY good one, and could get a better paying job if she tried. If you fire her, she'll be running the maintenence department on the Empire State Building in a week...and doing it very well."

"But I didn't want that! I wanted her to be..."

"Just like you?"

Elmer smiled and turned to his perfect cousin, who looked confused. Why was Elmer just standing there, argueing with the air?

"Yeah. Just like I was. Exactly as I was! Inside and out...but she's still my cousin, Karen."

Elmer watched as Karens body swelled and grew doughy with fat. Her tan vanished, replaced with milk-white blubber and flab. Her body seemed to become a swollen ball, with a huge ass and cumbersome hips and thighes. Her belly swelled, then hung down to her knees. Her once beautiful face kept it's basic appearance, but became wide, fat and plain. Her nose swelled, the bags under her eyes deepened, and her hair became greasy and unkept. Her uniform was dirty and she carried a bottle of cheap gin in her back pocket.

But the greatest change was inside her head and her hart. Karen knew just what sort of person her cousin was, but employed him out of pity. She knew he was a drunk. A letcher. A thief. A slob...and now so was she. Her honest nature was replaced with a "Me First!" attitude that governed her whole life. Her neatness was replaced with an utter lack of concern for either her appearance or surroundings. In the basement, the little room looked exactly as it had when Elmer had lived there, except that the pornography showed scantly clad men instead of woman. Karen was always leering at attractive men, and she had even stole a pair of Carl Goodwin's underwear to add to her collection.

The fat, lazy slob lowered herself into a chair and took a swallow from her gin bottle. She looked over at Elmer and thought "What a fuckin' waste. I should be runnin' this buildin', instead of my fuckin' cousin."

"Anyway..." she grunted..."...I fixed that toilet in that bitch Goodwins apartment. She threw a hissy fit about how I was late and shit, but it took a way long time to fix that toilet. It was...just ruined. I had to really work at it. I'm goin' back to my room an'...rest fer a bit."

What she WANTED to do was add Carls underwear to her collection and masterbate over it.

"Sure thing, Karen..." he said with a chuckle, as Karen waddled back to the dank, dark, basement efficiency apartment that she now called home. After all, that was where the buildings janitor lived...and that was her. "..you take care now."

Karen Beatty waddled out of the room, a scowl etched into her face. She knew nothing about her former life, accepting that she had always been this person, and that she'd always worked for her douchbag cousin.

"So, Mister Buttz..." the Stranger asked with a vague smile at his lips "...what next?

Elmer Butts was just getting started, and soon he decides to take revenge on Paula Goodwin in room 203. The Stranger chuckles at such a simple use of his mighty powers, but does as Elmer wishes. "And what form shall this vengence take, my...Master?"

Go back - Go to the parent episode.

Burke Rakers (just fooling around)

Wed Jul 28 05:36:09 2010