And then someone suddenly appeared on the beach. This was none other than Sean, an author who had become a character and was now forced to travel from one 1000-episode to another. He had last been seen in episode 266000. Currently, he was bare-chested, wearing jeans, a backpack, and an unusual belt. He stared at the form of Donna D'Errico and couldn't help but smile.
"What's going on? Why are you smiling like that?" she asked.
"I'll answer that if you'll answer a question of my own. Are you a celebrity?"
"Well, of course I am. Don't you recognize me from Baywatch?"
"No, sorry, that lame pseudo-porn is not for me. Give me real porn or nothing. Now, to answer your question, what has happened is that someone has altered your body."
"My body?" she asked. Looking at herself, she couldn't tell that anything had changed. "Nonsense, I'm just as fabulous as always."
"Then that just means that they've affected your mind as well. It's a very common thing in this addventure. For some reason, people get their jollies by inflicting horrible transformations onto poor unsuspecting celebrities, as if getting revenge on someone simply because they had the misfortune of being famous."
"I don't believe what you are saying," she told him. "That is impossible."
"Well, look, have the guys been giving you lust-filled stares as you wander along this beach?"
"Um, well, no. They've been laughing or running in terror."
"So, doesn't my explanation seem to fit?"
"Yes, but that's impossible. It's more likely that someone has set this all up as some sort of prank. Somebody told the guys on the beach that I'd be coming along and to act weird when I showed up."
"Trust me, guys aren't capable of not noticeably noticing a hot bod. It's just not in our nature."
"Even if what you say is true, what can you do to help?"
"Well, usually, that depends on the cause. You haven't seen a leprechaun around, have you?"
"No, of course not."
"Too bad, that's one of the more common causes of celebrity alterations," Sean told her, before looking around in empty space and yelling, "All right, Jim, you can come out now. I know all about you and the Leprechaun!" When nothing happened, Sean shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay, it's not the leprechaun. Now, it might be someone with a remote. For example, Randy is a common remote control user, though he usually keeps the women sexy. You haven't see anyone holding a remote control have you?"
"No, I don't think so. Why?"
"The remote controls are one of the most powerful magical items in this world. Fortunately, my belt makes me immune to them, so if someone tries to stop time and do more damage to you while I'm around, I'll be aware of what's going on." Sean then tried yelling out various names to see if someone reacted when he yelled their name. "Hey, Randy! Hey, Janeane, where are you?" When nobody seemed to react, Sean sighed and said, "Well, it might not be someone with a remote, or if so, they've moved on to a new target. That leaves another possibility, and unfortunately, it's not a good one. Someone could be using the Master PC program. That's something they can safely use at home without being anywhere nearby. If that's the case, then we might never be able to stop them."
"Isn't there anything you can do?"
"I'm afraid not. You may be stuck like this."
"Stuck like what?"
"It looks like someone has made your butt extra big and your chest super flat. You look like a freak. Sorry, but that's the way it is."
"Nobody's ever talked to me like that before," she said, surprised. "I appreciate your honesty."
"You know, this place is supposed to be full of breast expansion. If only I had something like that to use..." Sean started, and then suddenly remembered that he did. He had spent far too much time resting in the world of episode 91000, so he had almost forgotten about the BE-gun that he had taken from episode 39000. Of course, it would've been nice if he had also brought with him King Jim's gun from episode 79000, but them's the breaks.
Pulling the gun from its place, strapped to the magic belt, Sean aimed it at Donna and fired. Her A-cup breasts slowly blossomed out until they fit snugly in her bikini top.
"What did you do? Nothing has changed," Donna asked him.
"Well, obviously, you're still under some sort of mental compulsion, being unable to tell that your body has changed. All I've done is fixed your breast size, so at least from your chest up, you look normal. Your butt's still too big and your waist may be a little thin, but this will at least make you look more normal than before."
"Thanks at least for that," she said. "Even if I can't tell what you've done. You don't have any idea who might have done this to me, do you?"
"Well, the most likely person is Jim. But I don't know how we could find him. He probably doesn't even live in this city. And his last name could be anything. Sometimes it's McNutt, sometimes it's D'Addventure, sometimes it's all sorts of things. Or it could be his friend Rick, I think. Sorry, but I never really kept up with those episodes that closely."
Fri Aug 05 09:45:26 2005
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