A couple of hours later a drunken Dick Burnz stumbles into his suite and discovers a plainly wrapped delivery box sitting in his postal slot. "Hmm (burp), wassthiss?" he asks himself. Picking up the box he violently shakes it up and down (a habit picked up as part of the ritual Xmas gift-opening ceremony). But as the box makes no kind of suggestive noise Dick just shrugs and rips it right open. To his great surprise (well, to be honest it's more like mild puzzlement) Dick find's a left foot and accompanying leg in the box (it's a very large box).
The first thing Dick does is check to make sure he isn't missing his own left foot and accompanying leg. Once satisfied he is still in one piece, Dick looks at the return address stamped on the box. It reads "Uranus". Dick chuckles and grabs a Pepsi from the kitchen. 'That's odd,' Dick thinks as he stares at the bodiless left foot and accompanying leg, 'this Pepsi tastes just like watered down Coke.'
Just then, the phone rings. Dick picks it up and the voice on the other end says, "Hey, I just got a package with somebody's torso in it." Dick replies, "You lucky bastard, all I got was a left foot and accompanying leg." And then Dick's two-way calling clicks in and a third voice crows, "You'll never believe what I got in the mail!" Well this goes on for a while until all of the Authors who received packages decide to meet up in the fifth floor rec.room.
Standing in the middle of the room (right next to the ping pong table and in front of the pinball machines) are:
Dick Burnz, Wild Bill Hiccup, Shit4Brains, Penispuppet, and Mr.Nice Guy.
And lying in the middle of the room (on the floor next to the plastic trash bin) is Jason.
With a little tap of his foot, Penispuppet nudges Jason's dismembered head back onto the stump of his neck and Jason is brought back to conciousness. "And another thing ChinaWhi--" Jason says threateninly as he sits up but then stops as he looks around the room in bewilderment. "Huh? What happened?" The other Authors quickly explain how ChinaWhite (aka the mysterious Matt) had chopped him up in pieces and then mailed him to the ends of the Backstage (aka the ends of the Backstage) but that due to a clerical error in the mailroom the parcels had ended up in their suites.
"Wow, I'm glad to be back in one piece," Jason says with relief. But then he suddenly frowns and his hands shoot down to his crotch. "HEY! I'm MISSING a piece!!!!" Yes, that's right dear reader, Jason is indeed missing one particular part of his authorial anatomy. And if you happened to read the title of this episode you know what that piece is.
So now the question is: Just where is Jason's penis?
Tue Aug 20 15:24:29 2002