"Emergency announcements?" Fruitbat suggested, helpfully.
"Maybe, but this sure wasn't one. Of all the dumb, embarassing--" DJ froze in place, her eyes glazing over. Stiffly, she opened her clipboard and started writing in it.
Fruitbat rolled her eyes. "Here we go again," she said, wishing the Authors would come up with a less weird way of communicating with DJ.
When DJ came back to herself, she found this written on the pad:
Deja Voodoo -- the thing I find confusing is the nature of the "upper levels", and how this all works out height-wise. The Main Level must be at least tall enough to contain a ten-story Hotel -- but how tall are each of the upper levels? Only as tall as they need to be to hold one level of offices? And what lies between the roofs of the Hotel/Bar & Grill and the underside of the lowermost Upper Level? Are the Upper Levels being supported by the walls of the Backstage, are they hanging in midair, or are they in another dimension somewhere? Some email discussion might be useful... Adama.
Below this message, additional words now appeared:
DJ, you want to field this one? --DVd.
"Ah," said DJ, "at last an easy one." She looked into the electrical ether from which she was being read by the reader. "It hasn't been established how the Upper Levels are supported," she said, "although, as you may recall, it's strongly implied in the episode where the Operator gave you a tour of his suite that each level is set into solidified mist at the top of the level beneath. I understand some Men in Gray are making an interesting discovery about the construction of the Backstage even as we speak, in one of the options where they're parachuting out of RaoulDuke's abandoned suite. Maybe that will clarify things. (Though actually, I myself found intriguing the implication in Adama's own diagram that the Upper Levels are indeed suspended in mid-air. The fact that the Gray guys were able to jump out into mist instead of just running into the Wall might also support this conclusion.) The Operator also makes it clear that each Upper Level does indeed hold one level of offices and is about sixty feet high from floor to ceiling -- apparently the mist needs that much room to segue from clear atmosphere to solid foundation. The Main Level, naturally, must be much higher to accomodate the ten floors of the Hotel. And I have no idea what lies between the roofs of the Hotel and the Bar & Grill and the bottom of the Second Level."
She turned her attention to Fruitbat. "Elizabeth, dear, would you like to investigate that?"
Fruitbat shrugged. "Beats cooling my heels here listening to you argue with Hilbert and talk to air. I'll just poof on up--"
"Wait!"
"What for?"
"You'll see. Take off your blouse, please."
Fruitbat's face turned maroon, matching the color of her outfit. "Geeze, Deej, I didn't know you wanted that kind of relationship..."
DJ frowned. "If I did, this would hardly be the time or the place. Just do it, will you, 'Lizzy?'"
Still maroon, Fruitbat did so. Unfortunately for the reader, she had a bra on underneath.
"Ow!" cried Fruitbat. "What's happening to my shoulders?"
"Oh hush, it shouldn't hurt a bit. All I'm doing is giving you back your wings. It should help with your investigation."
Sure enough, batwings were sprouting from Fruitbat's shoulderblades. She flexed them experimentally as they grew. "Hey, thanks," she said. "I missed those. But why--?"
"You'll need them to fly up to the bottom of the Second Level from the roofs of the Hotel and the Bar and Grill," said DJ. "Assuming, of course, that the Second Level doesn't just sit right on top of them. When you're done with your mission, the wings will retract, but you can will them back whenever you need them."
Fruitbat nodded. "That probably makes sense, it would be kinda tough to get through doors with them..."
"Yes, I can see it would be. Incidentally, how did you do it in your original form?"
"Didn't. Just did a lot of poofing. Bye now."
POOF! Fruitbat was gone.
While she was away, DJ went over the documentation on the preceding episodes and shook her head. "Adama's right," she said. "Some email discussion might have been useful. God, this stuff is dull..." She frowned. I wonder why the Upper Level suites all have '20-' in front of them? If it were just the Second Level I could understand it -- the '2' would refer to the level. But then the Third Level suites should have '30-' in front of them. And in any case, why the '0'?"
The phone rang. It was Hilbert.
"Miss Woohoo?" his voice asked.
"Speaking. I appreciate you not sticking your head through the thing this time."
"Sorry, I just do that when I'm in a hurry," responded Hilbert. "I just realized I misinformed you about the Suite numbering. It's only the Second Level suites that have '20-' in front of them. The Third Level suites have '30-'."
"And the Fourth '40-', and so on?"
"You got it."
"You know, I was just speculating about that."
"I did know. Most permanent staff here develop an extra-perceptual sense on what's happening in relevant nearby episodes to help them in their duties."
"Ah, like the staff in Central Casting?"
"Right. And you, for that matter -- you rattled off that info from the Operator's suite tour without ever having been near his suite."
"Yes, I suppose I did," DJ mused. "So, as long as you're on the line, what's the '0-' part for?"
"Oh, we put that in so we'd have a designation for the hidden level between the Third and Fourth levels -- you know, the one with the Chapel in it? Its rooms all have '3A-' in front of the numbers."
"Thank you, I was unclear on that. You've been most helpful."
"I live to serve. Of course, when I'm talking to FCF I have to be equally helpful, so with him I use his numbering scheme..."
DJ Woohoo buried her face in her hands, wishing the Authors would just get things straight...
Shortly after the end of the call with Hilbert, Fruitbat poofed back in.
"All done, DJ," she said, retracting her wings.
DJ handed her partner the blouse she had taken off earlier.
"Thanks," said Fruitbat, putting it on. "You wouldn't believe the cat-calls I was getting from the mist-bathers on the roof of the Hotel. They thought it was Mardi Gras or something, everyone saying 'take it off!'"
"You didn't, I gather, since you didn't come back with any beads."
"Darn right, I didn't! It gets cold up there in the thicker mists!"
"So what did you find out?"
"Well, the Operator's info pans out. Sixty feet above the roof of the Hotel you just can't go any further. Of course, if you take off from the edge of the roof, it's different. You pass through a thickening band of mist and then it thins out again and you can see into the windows of the Second Level. Same thing for the Third. I didn't go any higher than that. Hey, and I found Mello's suite! It's on the Third, she was taking a shower..."
"Really? What number is it?"
"Dunno, the Suites aren't numbered on the outside. But it must be a low one, to be above the Hotel."
DJ nodded. "I suppose that's as close to anything exact as we're likely to get, since she values her privacy so much. What did you find out over at the Bar & Grill?"
"A lot more space between the roof and the bottom of the Second Level. At a guess, I'd say the Bar & Grill's only about four stories high, not ten like the Hotel. Oh, and there was a tube coming out the top of the Bar & Grill that went all the way up to the next level. The Hotel had some too -- three, by my count."
"Those must be the elevators," DJ said. "Well done, Elizabeth. Well, I think that answers all of Adama's questions, except the one about how exactly the Upper Levels are supported."
"I maybe could give you some insight there, too."
"Oh? What can you tell me?"
"Near as I could make out, none of the Upper Levels are connected to the side walls of Backstage, and the 'building' part of each higher level is narrower than that of the level below. Looked like the Hotel was built to within about fifteen feet of the side wall, but there were twenty separating the Second Level from the wall, and twenty-five between the Third Level and the wall."
DJ looked perplexed. "How can that be?" she asked. "By the time you would get to the highest levels there wouldn't be any room in them for the suites!"
Fruitbat shrugged.
"Oh well, another mystery for us to unravel, I guess."
"Hey, Deej, are we done in this episode yet? I've really got to go to the bathroom -- something about flying through swirling yellow mists seems to do that to me..."
"Yes, we're done. Go right ahead, you know where it is." onl
Fri Apr 27 09:24:44 2001
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