Then DJ's eyes glowed and seemed to project an image onto the adjacent wall, which wavered and -- formed a portal!
The real lights went back on in DJ's eyes, and she and Fruitbat regarded the wall with some interest. Beyond the portal Sidney Russell and his two wives gazed back at them.
"Rather unorthodox way of calling in," DJ remarked.
"You mean that wasn't you doing it?" Sid asked, surprised. "I thought it was Deja Voodoo wanting a conference, but you aren't him."
"Don't be too sure about that," DJ murmured.
"So who are you and what do you want?" Sid demanded.
"It's rather complicated," DJ told him, but did her best to explain anyway.
"Wow," said Sid. "That's as bad as me giving the Standard Explanation of Life, the BE AddVenture, and Everything."
At this point Sendula, one of Sid's amazon wives, spoke up. "What I want to know is, if it's not you making the call, and it's not us, who is it?"
"I suspect it was Deja Voodoo after all," said DJ. "He acts through me as if I'm his Avatar, even though he claims he isn't. Excuse me while I check my clipboard."
"Come again?" said Sid.
"It's how DVd communicates with me," DJ clarified.
"Ah," said Sid.
"Ah," said Fruitbat, who had been wondering why she spent so much time looking and talking at the thing.
"Not a voiceless presence?" Sid added.
"No," said DJ. She opened her clipboard. Written thereon was the word
Hi.
"Hi yourself," said DJ. "What's this all about?"
Well, a few episodes back F-Cup Fitzgerald optioned you, Fruitbat, Sid and his wives coming up with a name for the Hotel. I took the option, but neglected to follow up on that part of it. Better late than never, I figure.
"What's it saying?" asked Sid, curious.
DJ read the message.
"Is that all?" complained Credensa, Sid's other wife. "I thought at the very least this would have something to do with finally getting us out of exile and back to Backstage Central!"
"I have some thoughts on that," Sid said. "But I suppose we'd better fulfill the silly option first."
DJ nodded. "Though why Fitzgerald thinks it needs one is beyond me," she said. "After all, DVd himself named it 'The Hotel', and its since usually been called 'The Backstage Hotel', which makes sense to me. And Fitzgerald called it by the name of Hilbert, its manager, in the episode the option led out of."
"What's it called on the sign out front?" Credensa asked sensibly. "I saw the sign the last time Sid took us in there, but wasn't really paying attention."
"It said 'Backstage Hotel,' said Sendula. You may not have been paying attention, but I was.
"Why don't we just add it all together and call it Hilbert's Backstage Hotel?" Sid suggested. "Though why anyone should care what we call it is beyond me."
"Probably because you're on the Board of Directors," DJ said.
"I am?"
"Oh, didn't they tell you?" DJ asked, eyes wide with innocence.
"For being Keeper of the Backstage I sure do seem to be the last one to be told these things," Sid grumped.
"Ex-Keeper," muttered Fruitbat.
"Once-and-Future-Keeper is how I think of it," said Sid. "Why's your nose out of joint about it, lizard girl?"
Suddenly Sendula laughed. "Don't you get it, Husband? That 'lizard girl' is Fruitbat, your replacement!"
"No, really? Well, you sure have changed!"
"Guess our spears have more oomph in them than we thought," said Credensa. "I thought we just boobyized him, not transgendered him!"
"It wasn't your spears, it was a later accident," DJ told her. "Several later accidents, actually, since it happened more than once and I don't have the patience at the moment to research just which one transformed this particular version."
"Whatever." Credensa looked at Sid. "Shall I spear him?" she asked. "Her, I should say. With Fruitbat gone, surely you'll be able to go Backstage again."
"Don't you dare!" DJ cried as the suddenly frightened Fruitbat hid behind her. "This version of Fruitbat isn't keeper of your silly Backstage Central anymore anyway, if she ever was! And she's my assistant! I won't let you hurt her!"
"Calm down, Miss Woohoo," said Sid. "Looks to me like Fruitbat's suffered enough without us adding to her woes. Besides, if she had other versions still running around Backstage killing her wouldn't help even if she was the temp Keeper. Another version would just step into the role. No, I'm afraid the only thing that could do the trick would be hunting up all the Fruitbats and getting them to resign the office."
"But how can we do that?" Sendula demanded. "Until they do resign, we're still banished, so we can hardly go calling on them!"
Sid grinned. "Funny you should ask," he said. "Seems to me there are a couple trouble shooters right on the other side of this portal, whose job it is to go out righting wrongs like this. And they're in need of a new assignment, at that!"
Both amazons looked expectantly at DJ.
"All right," DJ sighed. "We'll do it. Things have been pretty crazy Backstage since you left the helm anyway, and I've been pretty impatient for you to come back. Just didn't think I'd be stuck with the job of bringing you back, that's all."
"Well, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it," Sid said.
"I suppose. Fruitbat, let's do the easy part first. Do you resign your role of temporary keeper?"
"Like I ever had it," Fruitbat muttered darkly. "Sure, why not? It's not like JigSaw would ever let me take the role again, after all. I resign, already!"
"Good. Okay, Sid, time to close this connection. My assistant and I have a Fruitbat hunt to go off on."
"Right-o," Sid said. "Sid Russell, out."
The portal collapsed, leaving only a blank wall.
DJ and Fruitbat looked at each other. "Central first?" the latter asked.
DJ nodded. "Poof us there, Fruitbat. Poor Mirage, she'll be so disappointed at losing her watchdog."
Fruitbat snickered. "Hey, she may be losing a watchdog, but she'll be gaining a master again!"
"Yeah, whatever. You gonna poof, or what?"
They poofed.
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Mon Apr 23 22:03:55 2001
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