"So?" She snarled at him. "What are you going to do about it? According to this, you're involved in an episode over at the Bar and Grille right now!"
"Oh I am respectful, Great One, believe me. Otherwise I wouldn't have toned down my criticism... But seriously, I'm bored. Can't you get Sid and Spouses back here so I can get caught up on my housework? Compared to this, watching paint peel would be more exiting.
"DVd? DVD? Come back here! What are you talking about? What--"
POOF! A man-sized dragon resembling Mushu with batwings popped in.
"Hi! Howya doin'? You must be the hired help. I'm Fruitbat, the new boss-man around here. Hey, I like the three breasts, but what's with the cat head, sister?"
Mirage bared her teeth. "The head's the one I came with," she told him. "The extra breast's a recent improvement. Now who are you, and what makes you think you're the boss?"
"Who am I? Who am I? Sister, you're looking at the powerful, the pleasurable, the barely even describable Fruitbat! Now kowtow, before I report you!"
She snorted. "You look like a cheap Mushu knockoff to me," she said.
"That was my daddy."
"Yeah? Who's your momma?"
"Watch it -- I'm the one who gets to do the jive lingo around here. She was Mulan, if you must know."
Mirage snickered. "That must have been an interesting episode."
"I wouldn't know. I was just a gleam in their eyes, and I don't think the damned thing's even been written yet. I'm still waiting for that kowtow. Any minute now..."
"I'm still waiting to see some ID."
Fruitbat flourished an elaborate commission to take over from Sid signed by F-Cup Fitzgerald and Dabbler. Zorlond's name was on it too, but had been crossed out by the signer in a fit of pique because he got stopped right in the middle of turning Fruitbat into a dragon-girl (at least in this thread).
"Very nice," said Mirage, dryly. "But I don't see anything here about you getting to take over Backstage Central. Or anything that says I have to obey you. I'm under a magical compulsion to obey Sid and his wives, but you? I don't think so, buster!"
"Aw come on! Cant'cha make things a little easier for the new guy? I'm here on temporary assignment, dig? It's my big chance to make a name for myself in the BE AddVenture! I don't wanna blow it, y'know?"
Mirage sighed. There had to be a way to reduce this annoyance. Then inspiration struck. And she wouldn't even have to disobey Sid's orders not to touch his lab stuff... "Okay," she said, jerking a thumb behind her. There's Sid's audience chamber. From there he can survey the entire AddVenture at whim, summon and banish the Shelved, and generally look important. It's all yours, buster."
"Hey, thanks!" Fruitbat said, snaking past her into the large, boothlike structure she had indicated. "But hey! Isn't it supposed to have some kinda chair? You know, a throne, or something?"
"Turned off at the moment," Mirage answered, sounding bored. "See the dial outside the door? Set it to One and then press the button marked S."
"I'm on it, girly! Say, what does 'S' stand for?"
ZZZZAAAAPPPP!!!
Mirage turned around and grinned. "Shrink," she said. "Silly me, I seem to have directed you to the integration booth! I guess that's because there isn't any 'audience chamber!' But you just found that out, didn't you?"
"Integration? Integration?" cried the now diminutive Fruitbat. "How does zapping me down to my daddy's size integrate me, sister?"
"Normalize would be a better term. People pop in here in all sorts of weird states. S is for shrinking folks who've been giantized in their home threads, or have portions of their anatomy that have been -- generally breasts."
"You'll be sorry for this," said Fruitbat ominously. "Poof."
Nothing happened. "I don't poof," Mirage pointed out. "I'm banished here until the Authors decide I can go home. Obviously, they haven't yet. Now simmer down, or I'll squish you."
"Oh man. That's vile, sister! Dishonor! Dishonor to you dishonor to your cow--Hey! What's that? What're you doing?"
Mirage had magicked up a birdcage, and was putting him in it. Since these actions were self-evident, she didn't bother to respond.
"Now," she said mockingly. "You can just sit out here on lookout, O 'Keeper of the Backstage,' while I get back to more important things. Anyone drops by, you just sing like a canary, okay?"
"Why should I?"
"Because if you're a good little boy, I might restore you to your true size when it's time to go home. Bye now!"
And with that, Mirage vanished into the residential area of Backstage Central. It was time the babies woke up from their nap, anyway.
"Shit," Fruitbat muttered from his prison. "I don't get no respect..."
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Sat Mar 31 14:23:12 2001
Linking Enabled