Sendula shot Credensa a startled glance. "It talks!" she observed. "I thought it was just another strange creature, like the ones we just left behind!"
"We'll see," said Credensa grimly, gripping her spear. "What are you, strange being?"
The strange being raised his eyebrows. "Usually the question is who am I, not what. But if you really need to know, I'm a man. Name's Sidney James Russell, and I'm your host in this place for as long as you happen to be stuck here. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask. Providing information's my job."
Credensa and Sendula exchanged glances again, then turned their attention back to Sid. "Man?" they asked in unison.
"Male sex of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens," stated Sid, somewhat impatiently, "which is the same species as yours, from the look of you, though you, obviously, are female. In what way am I failing to connect, here?"
"Male? You're a male?" asked Sendula, incredulously. "But all the males were wiped out eons ago by the gene virus, mutating into killer avocados!"
"Killer--" Sid vainly attempted to supress a grin behind his hands. "Sounds like a bad B-movie! Let me check the documentation, here. Let's see, you originated in... Episode 125430... Oh! I see! It was a bad B-movie!" He looked up again. "Incidentally, if this happened eons ago, how do you reproduce?"
"Mutagenically varied clones grown in the gene banks," Sendula responded promptly. "Unless, of course, we're attacked by killer avocados out for sex rather than food. Then we get boinked."
"Boinked? I'm not familiar with the term."
"Raped and impregnated with baby killer avocados, which eat their way out of us when they come to term," Credensa put in. "The boinking is supposed to be supremely pleasurable, but I've never heard anyone recommend the sequel."
Sid nodded. "Sounds quite awful. Well, you'll be happy to hear that these killer avocados of yours are confined to one reality -- yours -- out of the countless millions of possible realities. In the rest of the realities, men are men, women are women, and killer avocados don't exist. Humanity reproduces the old-fashioned way, by boinking and birth -- I assure you, human babies don't eat their way out of their mothers' wombs!"
Incredulity and relief suffused the amazons' faces.
"Can it be?" Credensa gasped.
"A safe haven?" asked Sendula.
"Boinking without dying?" put in Credensa.
At each question, Sid Russell nodded.
Sendula looked at him appraisingly. "You know, if it's possible to get boinked here without risk..."
Credensa nodded. "I've always wondered what it's liked to get boinked..."
"Every woman's greatest dream and worst dread..."
"And if you take out the 'worst dread' part of it..."
"Ladies?" asked Sid, somewhat apprehensively, as he saw them begin to slowly advancing on him. "Ladies, just what it it you have in mind?"
"BOINKING!" they shouted. Casting away their spears, they jumped on him, throwing him to the floor after a brief struggle.
"Where's his erectile appendage?" Sendula complained. "I can't find it!"
"If I might have a word--" Sid managed.
"Do you mind?" Credensa asked. "We're trying to boink you, here!"
"--it can be done without rape!" Sid finished.
That got both their attentions. "What?"
"I would be more than willing to cooperate. Most men would, given such gorgeous and stunning partners. First off all, let me point out than I happen to be clothed. If you allow me to take my clothes off, you will have no difficulty finding my 'erectile appendage.'"
Another exchanged glance. The amazons nodded. "But no funny stuff," Credensa warned.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Sid told her as he got up and divested himself of his clothing.
Just then Sendula had a realization. "Credensa!" she cried. "If he's a 'man,' so were those 'creatures' in that other odd world we passed through on the way to this one! We could've been boined seven ways to Tuesday, by now!"
Credensa shrugged ruefully. "Live and learn, I guess. Huh? That's your erectile appendage, SidneyJamesRussell?"
"It is indeed. It's called a penis, actually."
"Not very impressive is it, compared to a killer avocado's," Sendula observed.
"I think you will find it adequate for the purpose. And you needn't use my full name, my dear," he added, addressing Credensa. "Just 'Sid' will do."
"Very well, JustSid," she replied.
His last bit of clothing off, Sid decided that proper introductions were in order. "Sid," he corrected. "And you lovely ladies are? I always like to know by whom I'm being 'boinked.'"
"Wow," said Sendula. "No killer avocado ever bothered to ask a girl that!"
"Killer avocados can't talk," Credensa pointed out.
"So what? I think I'm going to like these mans!"
"Men," Sid corrected again.
"Whatever. My name is Sendula Oraspa Meglut Turamion. You can call me Sendula."
"And I'm Credensa Deslippa Ingrat Odsaan." Trying to imitate Sid's mode of address, she carefully added: "'Just Credensa wildu.'"
"Very pleased to meet you, Sendula and Credensa."
"Can we boink you now?" asked Sendula, hopefully.
"It would be my pleasure."
Agressive as the amazons had appeared, Sid found he actually had to instruct them in the ways of 'boinking' himself, as they had no prior experience. The results were quite gratifying, although somewhat limited, as both proved to have an extreme phobia about having their nipples nibbled or sucked, or their pussies licked. They were afraid he was going to eat them, literally...
"No problem," he assured them. "Though you might want to expand your horizons in the future, if you don't want sex to become boring."
"I-- I thought boring was the whole point!" gasped Credensa, who was being "bored" at that very moment.
"Different sense," Sid told her, and picked up the pace.
On the other hand, they proved quite receptive to stroking, diddling, and doggy-style sex, showing themselves eager pupils. They wanted to continue long after Sid was worn out. Casting about for some stop-gap, he suggested lesbian sex, and interestingly enough found them to be complete innocents in that regard, as well. He shook his head. A world of nothing but women and monsters, and they hadn't even figured out the obvious? B-movie indeed!
By the time the two had fully explored this new possibility, Sid was ready to serve them again. He was gratified to find that, while appreciating woman-to-woman sexuality, their preference was for the heterosexual variety.
As luck would have it, it was quite a while before any other characters were shelved backstage, so the three had a long (and pleasurable) period to become fully acquainted. The amazons soon grasped the concept of the BE AddVenture, and decided, as long as they were backstage, to help Sid in his task of extending hospitality to other out-of-use characters. They also took to clothing, though they favored the kinky variety, with lots of apertures to "let their skin breathe," as they put it. They also got a lot of spear practice in -- having heard that Sid had been threatened by some of the AddVenture's authors (or their avatars), they were determined to defend and protect their new mate...
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Thu Feb 22 11:09:41 2001
Linking Enabled