"Look, Billy," Rick said and poked Billy in the chest with a finger. "If anyone can find Billy BadAss it's you, Billy." Everytime Rick said 'Billy' he gave Billy another poke.
"I don't know who he is!" Billy cried out. "He's just some Author who shares my name!"
"And who writes only Billy Young stories," Jim pointed out.
"Is that my fault?!" Billy said defensively.
Jim, Rick, Francis and Tom didn't say anything but only crowded in closer to the panicking sixteen year old. "It's not my fault!" he yelled at them as he backed up. It was Jim who finally relented. As he backed off he said, "Maybe not, but obviously you and he share a connection. And it's logical to think that you can somehow use that to contact him."
Billy was dumbfounded. Wasn't that kind of a leap? "Oh really?" Billy replied sarcastically. "Like what am I supposed to do? Holler out 'I BESEECH THEE OH GREAT AND MIGHTY AUTHOR WHO CALLS HIMSELF BILLY BADASS TO APPEAR BEFORE ME!'. Is that what you want me to do?"
Before any of the others could reply the lights in the coffee house suddenly dimmed and only the far away sound of dogs fighting broke the silence which now engulfed the cafe. They all instictively looked toward the glass doors at the front of the coffee shop. And then, as if on cue, a man in a black trench coat and silver tie walked in off the street. They could see his every movement as his long legs strode forward, one arm swinging in step, the other hidden within the deep pocket of his coat. It was as if he were moving in slow motion, like in a scene from a Tarantino movie. When he reached them time seemed to snap back into place and the lights returned to normal. From outside only the everyday sounds of downtown Metropolis traffic could be heard.
"Hi boys," the man grinned, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He eyed each of them from behind the fogged lenses of his squarebound spectacles but focused his attention only upon Billy. "So what can I do for you?" Billy BadAss asked the startled young men.
Once the boys had recovered enough of their composure Billy said, "This guy, Adama, he said you're the one who's responsible for all of us being here. Is that true?" BadAss blew a smoke ring and nodded, "You got me red handed."
"But why?!" Jim and Rick whined in unison.
"Why not?" BadAss replied cheekily. The boys stared back at him darkly, it was clear that Billy, Jim, Rick, Francis and Tom did not appreciate BadAss' flippant attitude. BadAss shrugged apologetically, "Lighten up guys. Anyway, you want a reason, how about this one. The BEA has been around for over three years and in that time Authors have come and gone, storylines have blossomed and then died and Flame Wars have erupted and then burned themselves out. But what’s the one thing that always stays the same?”
The five boys looked at BadAss with completely blank faces.
“YOU guys!” BadAss answered his own question. “First there was Jim and with Jim came Rick, and since then we’ve seen the rise of Francis and Billy and Tom and a few other guys too. No matter what’s going on in the BEA there’s always a hero, or at least a main character. But why isn’t it always Jim? Why was Francis created, or Billy, or those guys who are always fucking around with that Remote Control?”
Francis held up his hand. “Cause Jim is a candy ass.”
“Fuck you Francis!” Jim said and shot a nasty look at him.
"Take it easy guys," BadAss smiled. "Listen, what I'm getting at is this; the only reason you other guys exist is because Jim didn't fit the bill for every Author or every storyline. That means that you guys are different from Jim. But are you really that different from each other? You're all in high school, you're all kinda geeky, you all have a tendency to get involved with some very weird plot shit. So aren’t you all actually just the same badly written, one-dimensional character? I mean, aren't you all completely interchangable with one another?”
Francis snorted uncontrollably. “Oh yeah, like any of these pudwackers is anything like me. There ain’t nobody around here like me. Francis McNasty RULES!”
BadAss smiled, “Well that’s what I want to find out. And what better way than bringing you all together. If all of you are actually just the same guy but with different names then that should become pretty clear in short order. But if you really are individuals, with your own set of needs, desires and idiosyncracies... well, that too should come out in the wash. And I look forward to watching it happen.”
"But why does any of that matter?" Jim asked.
"Oh, just curiosity," BadAss answered. "Like I said, why aren't all of the stories about Jim? What purpose does a character like Francis serve that Jim doesn't? Why did Billy all of a sudden come out of nowhere and spawn a whole set of branches on the Story Tree? Maybe it's because you are different from each other. And if that's the case, I'm just curious about what those differences are. That's all."
And then BadAss turned around, his trenchcoat sweeping around him in slow motion and he strode out of the once more dimly lit coffee shop and disappeared into the hustle and bustle outside.
Thu Oct 4 23:29:16 2001