"OHHH! My head! You're in my house and I have no idea where--are these panties yours?" asked Soleil Moon Frye, picking a pair of panties of the top of a lamp.
"Leave those alone," MJH snapped, snatching them out of her hand. She went around the living room, picking up clothes and putting them on. "How long have I been lying here?" She had a funny feeling in the back of her mind. A lot of very funny dreams. Not exactly unpleasant, but still too uncofortable to confront. Hmm, bottle of tequila, bag of dope, bottle of pills on the coffee table. Uh, oh. . . . "According to my watch, we've been here FIVE HOURS!!!"
Soleil came back into the room. "According to my computer, we've been out THREE DAYS and five hours!" She ran upstairs to put some clothes on and run a comb through her hair.
Melissa stumbled to the front door and opened it. There were three days of newspapers on the front steps. And the latest copy of MAXIM, which had apparently just come out to day. . .
"Oh, no! OH, MY GODDDDDD!!!!" Melissa screamed. Soleil came running, as gracefully as a woman with F-cup breasts can, down the front stairs. Melissa Joan Hart held out the magazine. "They must've stopped the presses for this! And redone the cover.
"Oh, no," said Soleil, in a very small voice. . . .
CLARISSA AND PUNKY BREWSTER IN SECRET LESBIAN DOPE ORGY went the headline.
"THIS IS A FUCKING OUTRAGE!" GORE SAYS
"WHY WAS I NOT CONSULTED?" CLINTON ASKS
"I ALWAYS KNEW THEY WERE LESBIANS" SAYS HOWARD STERN
Soleil took the magazine out of her hand. "Pages 44A through 44F?" she asked.
"That's so they could put it in at the last minute without going back and changing the whole magazine." Melissa said. "It's not so bad, it's MAXIM! You can't SEE anything, really."
"Only because of the black bars over our. . .our. . . oh, my God, my God, you can SEE what we're doing! We're absolutely fucking ruined!" Soleil whined.
But then. . . .
Wed Nov 29 17:15:22 2000