Melissa got dressed and called for a cab to take her home. Soleil was still wandering around her house stark naked. "Let's keep this a secret," Melissa said, leaving Soleil at the front door of Soleil's house the next day. Melissa hoisted one of Soleil's huge breasts into the air and let it drop slowly through her fingers, as Soleil closed her eyes to concentrate on the sensation. Melissa gave Soleil a lingering kiss and walked out to get into the cab. "Don't forget, the new season starts taping in four days," Melissa called over her shoulder to Soleil. . . .
FOUR DAYS LATER -- A BACKLOT AT THE WB STUDIOS
The other cast members of "Sabrina Goes to College" all felt that SOMETHING was seriously off, although they couldn't exactly place it. Both Melissa and Soleil had showed up for the first day of taping with ENORMOUS breasts, for one thing. And both girls now had tattoos: Melissa had a tiny cross on the back of her neck, Soleil had an elaborate star on her left ankle. Soleil was dressed, off set at least, in her usual comfortable, hippy-chick clothes. . . . However, Melissa caused a bit of a sensation, walking up in leather pants, leather top, tiny blue-tinted sunglasses, and three-inch white platform heels. Her leather top was held together by a single, laced-up rawhide cord, unlaced at the moment almost to the bottom of her ribcage, showing quite a bit of her amazing new more-than-ample cleavage. The wardrobe personnel were not pleased; the girls' new figures required extensive changes to the characters' costumes.
The wardrobe changes would take a few hours. "I'm goin' to my treelerrr," Melissa slurred, and walked off, holding a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand. One of Melissa's breasts almost slipped completely out of her shirt as she stumbled past Caroline Rhea and Beth Broadrick. . . .
"Melissa, honey, are you okay?" Caroline Rhea called over to her.
"Yes, dear, are you all right?" Beth Broadrick called. Melissa waved a hand in reply and stumbled off to the trailer. Her voice alternated drunkenly between too soft and too loud, and the last thing everybody on the set heard, before the door to Melissa's motor home slammed, was something about her "kicking the shit out of that cocksucking cat." SLAM!
Soleil, by the plan they had already worked out, was there already. Melissa turned to lock the door then turned back to Soleil, who was smoking a joint while curled up on the sofa in the front part of the vehicle. Melissa set down the bottle on the counter. All the blinds were drawn, and the vehicle was soundproofed for anything short of a scream.
Melissa approached Soleil, who was already unbuttoning her blouse all the way down to the belt buckle. Her huge breasts swayed and shook from side to side. Melissa stumbled up and embraced her awkwardly. "Nobody suspects ANYTHING yet, not Beth, not Caroline, not Nick! I always thought YOU'D end up as the guy, but LOOK at me--I'm Jim Morrison today! You can be . . . ?"
"Joni Mitchell? Grace Slick? Marianne Faithful?" Soleil suggested, taking off her top and letting it fall to the carpet.
"You can be Melissa Jim Morrison's dirty, dirty, little slut," Melissa said, grinning wildly at her, dragging Soleil down on top of her onto the couch. Melissa pulled at the rawhide thong, and her leather top came unbound. She threw it to the floor. . . .
For the next few minutes the two women kissed each other's mouths hungrily, and slowly licked each other's huge breasts until their nipples were rock-hard. . . .
They were on the couch, now, with Melissa on top of Soleil, massaging Soleil's breasts slowly and gently, once in awhile leaning over, her hair in Soleil's face, to kiss and suck Soleil's boobs. . . . "You're the only one I'd do this with, I swear," Melissa said. "I'm not a lesbian, I swear."
"I know, baby. I feel the same way," Soleil said, reaching up to plam Melissa's breasts, to gently twiddle Melissa's nippled between thumb and forefinger.
"You just feel so good. This last week has been INCREDIBLE!" Melissa continued. "I love you like I could never love a guy!"
On the counter in the corner sat the cat that the production used for the "Salem" scenes when an actual cat had to run off-shot. The cat cleaned itself placidly as the girls foreplayed each other.
Then the cat stopped licking itself, and said, quite clearly, "The things you see when you haven't got your gun!" It was Nick Bakay's voice.
Both girls' heads panic-turned to the sound. "Oh, SHIT! It's Nick!" Soleil said, trying reflexively to cover up.
"Come out, Nick, wherever you are, this isn't funny!" Melissa said, getting off Soleil and taking a step toward the back of the motor home. She looked in the rear chamber where the bed was. "Nick? Nick? I can explain, Nick."
"She's a little drunk, Nick, is all," Soleil volunteered, her voice wavering slightly.
Melissa was standing right next to the cat but not looking at it. "Hot lesbo action, I love it! Kiss her again, Half-pint!"
"WAITAMINUTE!" Melissa jumped and turned to the cat. She backed away slowly and sat on the couch next to Soleil. "I KNOW I'm not drunk! Your voice is dubbed in post-production! And even if you COULD talk, you wouldn't sound like Nick Bakay!'
"Who says?" said the cat. "And you can keep on calling me Salem, by the way. You don't think I'd answer to 'Fluffy,' do you? PUL-LEEZE!"
"You . . . can't talk!"
"You mean up til now I thought it would be a good idea NOT to!" the cat said.
Soleil was just STARING at the cat.
"It's not my being able to talk you need to worry about, girls. It's my ability to SEE and HEAR!" He mimicked Melissa: "'I love you like I could never love a man!' JEEZ! I'm not even HUMAN and you two are making me hot!" The cat shook and sneezed, its collar jingling. "I wonder what Beth and Caroline would say! I wonder what PAULA would say! Oh, you two have been so VERY, VERY . . . NAUGHTY! But do it some more, go ahead! I believe, Melissa, that you . . . were sucking Soleil's nipple, and you, Soleil, were . . . trying to get in Melissa's pants. . . ."
"SALEM, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Melissa shouted.
Soleil grabbed something heavy and made as if to throw it at the cat. Melissa caught her arm. "We can't hurt the cat, he's the most popular character in the show! I'm sorry, Soleil. They'd fire YOU before they'd get rid of Salem." She sighed. "They'd fire ME before they'd get rid of Salem! We're totally fucked!"
"Oh, GOODY," said the cat. "As long as you're both fucked anyway, can I watch you fuck EACH OTHER?"
Thu Feb 15 17:32:26 2001