"Not good enough, Jim. I'm going to have to give you a pair of big breasts, since you like them so much."
Jim stared agape - and not just at God's breasts this time. "But- Wait, how would that be a punishment?"
"Easily, Jim. Imagine having to put extra effort into moving. Imagine every man who saw you lusting after you. Imagine gravity having that extra pull on you. Imagine having a pair of distractions in clear view.
God's voice rose to a tremendous, sexy roar. "NOW STOP IMAGINING!"
Jim blinked, and tried to make sense of what he could see. He was lying face down on a smooth, warm surface. A soft, skin-toned surface. A surface that could feel his own body lying on it - and which had cleavage that went forever... "Now those," Jim remarked, "Are some big tits."
"You could say that," said God. Jim tried to get up, and gave up as he realised it was pointless.
"Taken together they're about the same mass as the Earth," God explained. "I work on either a big scale or a small one, and I promised you big."
Jim couldn't see God, but he could feel her sitting on his chest, a point of pressure on an unimaginably vast plain. "Isn't this a bit excessive? I know I almost wrecked the universe, but what about all the people crushed to sexy death?"
"There aren't any," God explained. "You're a full light-century away from earth, Jim, orbiting around a different sun. No other humans will come out here for centuries, but I've made you solar powered."
Jim was quiet for a few moments. "So, let me get this stright. I'll never be hungry again, I've got the biggest funbags in the universe all to myself, my own solar system, and I've boldly gone where no man has gone before?"
"More or less."
Jim tried to hide his grin. "I accept this punishment."
Jim felt God stand up. "Good. Orbit there and think about what you've done."
Jim waved goodbye.
"Oh," said God, "and I made you into a hot girl." Jim's eyes widened. "What? Why-" But God was already gone.
Thu Aug 19 18:45:32 2010