The partying started early and often for us this year. As some of you out there might already know, after many years of living in sin, D&J finally got married in Las Vegas. And in typical D&J fashion we arranged it to coincide with the Gentleman’s Club Owner’s Expo in late August/Early Sept. As a prelude to our wedding we got to hang out with some of our favorite features, as well as some we had never met before. We also got to meet some regulars at the BE Archive, such as Ace 2 and Johnny Swell, whom we both had a lot of fun spending time with.

We arrived in Vegas Wednesday night, and the inter-active portion of the Fan Fair didn’t begin until Thursday. The next day however, turned out to be a blast. We attended the bikini contest at the Mandalay Bay not knowing what to expect. We got there early so we could get good seats, and that’s where we met Ace 2. We had already had drinks with Johnny Swell the night before, so we were on quite a BEA roll so to speak. We got seats close, but not too close to the outdoor stage, which turned out to be a terrific advantage, because soon after we arrived, Harmony Bliss shows up and tells us that she will be competing in the boobalicious portion of the contest. We had met Harmony a couple of week’s prior at a club called Frank’s Chicken House in New Jersey. She looked beautiful as she went backstage to get ready, and her escort sat with us to watch the contest. Just then we heard a voice from behind us "Oh my God!. It’s Dick and Jane!!" We turned around and it was none other than Crystal Gunns, who had arrived with Chelsea Charms, Kayla Kupcakes, and our friend, Colt 45. They all came to cheer on Crystal, which put us in the difficult situation of having to cheer on both of our

The "Row" Kayla Kupcakes, Chelsea Charms, Colt 45, and Jane
friends. We had never met Kayla before, and we really hit it off well (more on that later). Chelsea, Colt and Kayla sat with Jane (how’s that for a row!) after Dick “convinced” a few stiffs to offer their chairs.

First was the Bikini contest, which Exotica won for the third year in a row. “She’s the Yankees!!!” Crystal yelled as she won. If you have never seen Exotica, there

Exotica wins, and receives her check as Zoe, and Mercedes look on.
isn’t a more beautiful woman on the planet. Next came the “boobalicious” contest which Crystal won, edging out both Harmony, and Mia Miluv (speaking of beautiful, these three could make you stutter). It was 105 degrees that day, but between the great company, and the tropical drinks…we had a blast.

Crystal Gunns and Harmony Bliss … Bronx meets Brooklyn
The next day offered the actual Fan Fair, and we got to see a few friends that we didn’t get to see at the bikini contest. Maxi Mounds was there (we love her) and she introduced us to Minka (very sweet). Our pal Alyssa Alps was there, and she introduced us to her friend Nicole Tyler (who as of this writing will be at Flashdancers in NYC next week…we’ll be there!!) Harmony and Kayla were there too (gorgeous and gorgeous) as was our “little honey” Crystal (11 on a scale of 1-10). Dick always says that if he had a little sister, it would be Crystal. Of Course Chelsea was there, and we could go on for hours about how much of a doll she is. She is as classy as it gets. We adore her. That Saturday night everyone was winding down from a few days of hard partying (not us, of course) so we just went to one of the bars in the casino in the Mandalay Bay. While we were there knocking back a few (O.K. more than a few) we met some really nice people at the bar, and as it turned out, they were with Exotica in that “posse”. Well, apparently she recognized Jane from sitting with “the girls” at the bikini contest, and quickly invited us to hang out with them. They were as terrific a group of people we have ever met. Zoë Britton, Brittany Love, and Windy Leigh were all there with Exotica…and one was as sweet as the next. In fact, everyone there (there was over 20 people) was great. That night will forever remain in our fondest memories, not to mention, it was the night that Jane was introduced to apple martinis. The next night was the “Pimp and HO” ball…yet another blast. Although we didn’t get into costume, the real fun comes with the people watching. This year it was at the Palms Casino, it was fun, but not as good as last year’s at the Mandalay Bay. Some of the costumes were great, if not just down-right HOT.

Dick and Jane at the Palms Casino (Pimp n Ho Ball 2002).

On Monday (Labor Day) we had a limo pick us up, and drive us to the Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel, where Elvis did the nuptials. It will forever remain the best day in our lives. It was a riot, and we would recommend going that route to anyone (it was either that, or 400 Italians in a wedding hall…NO WAY!!). There is a plan in the works to re-up our vows for our first year’s anniversary, but instead of Elvis, we are going to try to get James Brown. If that is the case, and it’s still a big IF, we plan to invite the entire BEA to watch on the ‘net. We ate, drank, danced, lived and loved that week like we never had before. We got married in the middle of our honeymoon, and our honeymoon still hasn’t stopped.

We spent the next few weeks just doing our thing, and having a little fun On the weekends, and the next thing we knew it was one of our favorite days…Halloween!!! Last year we went to a party at a friends house and wore our own

Just a couple of the sights at the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade.
“Pimp and Ho” costumes. This year we decided to go to Greenwich Village and see the famous Halloween Parade. The costumes were outrageous, some funny, some sexy, some just plain weird. But all were amazing…including life sized dinosaurs, and a giant rolling house of ill repute. Our plan was to go straight home after the parade…yeah right. Needless to say we got slightly sidetracked in China Town and Little Italy and didn’t make it home until very late. Work the next day sucked. Although we had so much fun at this parade that we plan to make it a staple every year, and only go to parties that aren’t on Halloween night.

Before we knew it, Christmas was creeping up on us. We had 52 people to shop for, as well as about a half dozen parties between us that were obligated to. Jane had several “get togethers” involving people from Wall Street, a couple of which Dick attended. Dick had a couple of testosterone laden drink-fests thrown by different construction companies (the best of which was dinner at Luna’s on Mulberry Street). We got so busy that between the parties and shopping, we decided that we couldn’t make the Christmas show at Flashdancers this year. We remember the “old days” when it was Colt, Dusty, and Jane’s all time favorite, Nikki Knockers. Alas, they are all gone from the show, so the one night free we had that week we went to see….Crystal Gunns! We hung out with her for a while, and went for a bite to eat at a place near NY Dolls. This girl could put her hair up in curlers and black out her four front teeth and still look gorgeous. It is always great to see her, and we hadn’t seen her since Vegas, so we got to show her our wedding pictures. The night went too fast.

We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the Rhythm Review Dance Party held at the legendary Roseland Ballroom in midtown Manhattan. These are dances that a local DJ throws that are just a blast. We had a car pick us up at home and arrived about 10PM…we danced all night long to old Motown, classic R&B and soul, and before we knew it, our car was there to pick us up at 3:30PM. Although this dance didn’t involve entertainment of the “adult” variety it was none-the-less as much fun as just about anything else we do. There was a great crowd, and people got in their “Sunday Best”. We estimated over two thousand people there just dancing and enjoying life. And whether you like that music or not, it is great to dance to. We danced so much we hurt until Tuesday of the next week.

Soon Christmas Day was upon us, and there was a blizzard here in NYC. We had a few Family things to attend, but our eventual goal was a Party at our friend Rita’s apt. on the lower east side of Manhattan. Rita is Dick’s friend for more than 15 years, and the former bartender at NY Dolls. We love her like a sister, and she has a great group of friends too. There aren’t too many people we would have risked life and limb to go see on Christmas Day. We exchanged our gifts the previous night, right after our traditional Italian seafood dinner on Christmas eve. Man, this was a great Christmas.

Two days later, we went to New Jersey to see our new friend Kayla Kupcakes. We had a great time hanging out with her too, and the three of us went out for a post Christmas/ pre New Year’s drink (she and Jane got a lot of attention at the local bar). This is a girl that just doesn’t get enough attention from this site. She is Gorgeous with an amazing smile, perfect body, and terrific personality. She has quickly become one of our favorites. As a side note, Jane met a house dancer named Lana that plans to feature. Needless to say that the reason Jane and she started talking was that they were talking about boobs! Lana is a solid F cup, and according to Jane, she gives a great lap dance. But if any of you get a chance, go see Kayla Kupcakes…you won’t be dis- appointed.

Just a few days after that we had an outrageous New Years Eve party to attend. This proved to be as wild a night as we have ever had. The Organization that threw the NYE party, also throws parties all year around for Christmas, Halloween, Valentines Day, as well as many others. It is held at a hotel in New Jersey, so no one has to worry about driving home. Oh, Yeah, these are “Swingers” parties. This was a new experience, even for us, and to tell the truth, we didn’t know what to expect. Only members could attend the party, and in order to achieve membership, we had to send in a picture of ourselves for approval. Thankfully, we met their standards, and we were flattered by that because there were some great looking people there. We planned to check into the hotel early, and nap before the party in the ballroom, hoping to arrive about 10 P.M. Well…we got our room early enough, but decided to go down to the bar and have a couple so we could relax for our nap. Needless to say, the nap never happened. The party started at 4PM at the hotel bar and went on all night, only being interrupted for a wardrobe change. Dick wore black, Jane wore a long sequined blue dress (va va va voom). Honestly though, it didn’t make much of a difference what any- body wore, because by midnight most of the clothes had been removed. We were dancing when Jane noticed that the girls next to us had her dress hiked up to her waist, with another girl on her knees in front of her “servicing” her. There were about 5 or 6 girls with boobs at least as, if not some bigger than Jane. Most of which made their way out of their dresses during the course of the night. About 11PM Jane decide that her dress was too hot to wear all night, so she went back to our room and changed into a short little sexy black cocktail dress. Wow.

The real party takes place AFTER the party though. At about 2PM most of it started to wrap up, and the party continued in the hallways and rooms of the hotel. We were dying to know what people that were staying there for other reasons were thinking about semi-naked women running around the hotel. We could just walk into a room and either watch, or join in. It was pretty wild, but we need to say now, from what we saw, everybody was practicing safe sex, and these were some of the best people we have met in any venue. In fact, we plan to attend the Valentine’s Day party. This was more fun than we can even attempt to describe.

As we are writing this, it is Jan. 4th, early evening, and the Jets are beating the living crap out of the Colts. We are probably going to surprise Crystal Gunns tonight by heading out to Jersey to see her show (she scolded us for not ever making the trip). Jane plans on another lap dance or two from her new friend Lana, and we’ll probably wind up closer to home and have a few drinks before calling it a night. Thus is a night in the life of Dick and Jane.

Editors Note: You know, some people just are born lucky. Dick hear must let the Devil ride shotgun to work, I swear to God.